everything is connected

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2010-04-28T10:48:00.001-07:00

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the journey

2010-02-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

here's the deal.

with everything i've managed to muck through over the past several years there are still some internal scripts that continue to run through my head. primary is that i'm unworthy.

"unworthy of what", you might ask? take your goddamn pick. love, success, happiness...

well you know what? i'm fucking sick of it.

i'm making this pledge - 2010 resolutions, if you will - and all (smattering) of you who may actually read this are my witnesses.

• i resolve to revel in my eccentricities and embrace my shortcomings without making excuses.
• i resolve to feel whatever it is i'm going to feel as much as i'm going to feel it and if it's too much for you then that's your fucking problem
• i resolve to laugh as much as i want and not give a shit how many eardrums i break.
• i resolve to dance more but be just fine being a wallflower when i want to (and those times will be often).
• i resolve to allow myself to make some big fucking mistakes but as long as i tried my best i also resolve to not dwell on the failure.
• i resolve to continue my gut-wrenching journey of unrealistically optimistic hope so that you will understand me as long as i'm brutally honest with myself (and you).
• i resolve to love with every fiber of my being.

you see... im worthy of it all. love, loss, happiness, sorrow, success, failure, connection, solitude, adventure, the mundane... peace. there's no right or wrong. just keep the perspective in check.

and this journey is worth it.

(thanks hand-held)

no holds barred

2010-01-24T19:01:00.000-08:00

okay...

last year sucked sucked some seriously sweaty donkey nuts. like, 4rlz. 2009 can kiss my ass. repeatedly.

personally, my life was a complete disaster - one familiar pattern after another.

financially, my life/career took a serious crap (though, similar for many others).

spiritually, though not completely lost in the moors, the year was really a series of mis-starts.

soul-ly, i had to abandon an excursion that i'd been planning (apparently not very realistically) for 2 years.

physically, i manifested a whole bunch of other shit for myself that was a direct reflection of the aforementioned crappo that was happening in my life.

and on top of it, i turned 40. which in and of itself is no big deal, really. but, when combined with all the other shit, made me take a step back and go, "hold on a second... what the eff?!"

(fastforward)

and not a whole hell of lot is different.

well maybe my wine collection. all i have left after the '09 "cheaper stuff" drinking extravaganza is a cabinet full of epic wine.

and well maybe i'm more realistically looking at how people act as opposed to what they say.

and well maybe work is kinda looking up and the financial picture, though not entirely rosy, isn't as bleak and hopeless as it was last year.

aaaaaaand well maybe i'll get a chance to recharge my soul in a serious way this year by doing some volunteer work half way around the globe and by playing and seeing more live music.

and, you know... i'm kinda feeling stronger and healthier now.

...

hey maybe being 40-ish isn't that bad after all.

(re)awakening?

2010-01-23T00:07:00.000-08:00

forever and a day since my last update. ironic since so many milestones happened in the past year that normally would have been catalogued here. yes, superficial bits of me floating out there in web2-land. but the raw, the core... saved for the few and relegated mostly to silent observation.

i've been watching as i slip in, through and around the center of things. observing it all... hopes, dreams, fears, joy, sorrow, connection, solitude. trying to pay attention to the signs that are all around while marveling at how perfect the chaos of it all is. all at once. pensive and passive.

something's happened though

the observation isn't done but...

all i know is that this shaking in my gut means that it's time to wake up

pay attention

and act.

last day of diving :(

2009-01-07T15:38:00.000-08:00

what an incredible day!

yesterday we saw the yap that everyone had been telling us about. pristine, unspoiled colorful reefs, abundant and healthy sealife, 150+ ft of viz... absolutely spectacular!

we started the day off with a shark feed in the western part of the island. my first shark feed actually. and to see the feeding frenzy happen before my own eyes... suffice to say that while i'm still not scared of the reef sharks we saw in the frenzy, i have a newfound respect for them as a species. their raw instinctual power is truly something to marvel at.

the second dive was at a site appropriately named "magic kingdom". seriously, it was straight out of finding nemo. a reef that gently sloped from about 10 ft down into infinity that was literally covered from top to bottom with some of the healthiest coral i've ever seen. coral of every type. i'd say it might have been the best day of diving of the entire trip.

what i said before about the dead reefs... i take it back. i could dive the reefs of southen and western yap for the rest of my life and never get bored. i'll definitely be coming back here.

got a tour to a local village scheduled for the afternoon - barring any inclement weather. then it'll be time to pack in time to get to the airport for our 4am fight back to the states. eesh.

mantas!

2009-01-05T22:51:00.001-08:00

today we had 2 mantas, male and a female, come visit us at the underwater cleaning station. after about 45 minutes of close to no action these two float in one after another right over our heads. seriously. they may as well have patted me on the head as they swam over me. absolutely incredible!

we took a dip in the most jewel-like patch of ocean you have ever seen on the way to our second dive site. backflips off the bow of the boat, swimming in skivvies... afterwards, a boat ride through a narrow mangrove lined waterway that looked straight out of apocalypse now... it should be illegal to have this much fun.

all that said, i have to say what i've seen of the reefs here has been extremely disappointing. LOTS of dead coral - could be that the reefs i've seen have been close to the main port. so i'll reserve judgement until after tomorrow when we go to the southern part of the island to check things out there.

evenso, what a fantastic day... despite my underwater camera housing flooding during the descent of the second dive. my fault. oops. hopefully insurance will cover my momentary lapse in fastidiousness.

photos and videos are up. enjoy!

http://galleries.sensitiveartist.com/palauyap0809

tropical climates suit me

2009-01-05T03:50:00.000-08:00

greetings from beautiful yap in the federated states of micronesia!

hoo boy what a week and a half it's been... from the neverending series of flights to get to this part of the world, to battling a lingering sore throat/cough/sinus thingy, to the torrential downpours... to epic dive after epic dive. it has been quite a trip, i must say.

seriously though... despite experiencing less than ideal diving conditions and - for this part of the world at this time of year - unusually turbulent weather... the diving here has been spectacular. the mind reels at what it would be like here in better weather. palau's reefs are in such good condition that you feel like you're in a fish tank. the islands themselves are lush emerald jewels floating on water so turquoise in color you think that it's all a movie set backdrop. and the sealife is abundant in a way that i haven't seen in years. possibly ever.

so far, yap has been interesting. 4 or 5 huge mantas on the first dive today - one of which was a 10-footer that hovered not more than 5 feet from me checking me out for what seemed like a good minute or so before he went on his way. a few of us wandered into the only actual town in yap and got a lesson in how to chew betel nut (a mild stimulant) today - something seemingly EVERYONE here does (to the detriment of their red rotting teeth - but hey, to each their own).

the group i'm with is great and new friendships are being made all around. it's also been really special for me to have my good friends max and robyn on this trip with me. being able to finally share something i love so dearly with people i love so dearly has been such a blessing. as much as i love to travel and dive, it takes on so much more meaning to go on these excursions with friends. i'm so over travelling alone. ;)

anyhow, pictures and video are coming soon... the intertron connection here in yap is sssslllllllooooowwwwww so it may take a little bit to get things uploaded.

stay tuned

sub 2-hr race... DONE!

2008-10-26T08:22:00.001-07:00

Healdsburg Half Marathon

1hr, 55min, 30sec - 8:43 average pace!

Time to drink some wine!

sheesh... that was a big weekend

2008-10-07T20:16:00.000-07:00

first up... saturday morning and a practice run with max and jim for the upcoming healdsburg half marathon. a full 13.1 miles! the run started in the rain in brentwood and ended in marina del rey. the humidity hit all 3 of us hard and caused me to get more dehydrated and overheated than i was expecting. that said, despite kinda bonking around 9 miles in, i managed to finish in under 2 hrs! now granted this is a pretty flat course and the course on the actual race day is more hilly but as long as i can manage my heat and hydration level i think i have a pretty good shot at getting my sub 2-hr race... fingers crossed.

THEN we all met later that night for dinner to celebrate jim's birthday. angelini osteria - great food, great service and a great wine list (though an unfortunately crappy website - maybe i can work out something in trade?). we had 2 bottles of the rocca di frassinello that was just incredible. don't expect to go there and find any though... we drank the last of it! HA!

THEN on sunday i get a message from my brother that my new nephew was born that morning! can't wait to meet the little... wait... chunky little guy.

THEN later that night i continued my spectacular bordeaux education at katherine's place for a 12-vintage chateau pichon longueville comtesse de lalande vertical. that's right... 12 vintages!!!

feast the eyes...

that's - from right to left - 04 03 02 01 00 96 95 94 89 86 83... and the legendary 1982!

words can't accurately describe this vertical tasting. on the one hand, it was an incredible way to see the common thread that connects all of these wines and to really appreciate how a winery manages to stay on point across multiple decades. the discipline and dedication is awesome. but then there was the wine... some years (like the 86) more fruit forward than others, some years (82, 96, 00, 02) perfectly embodying what i'm beginning to recognize as the thing i love most about bordeaux - if it's done right. that oily, green olive and green pepper and caper sort of nose and taste to it - just enough sweetness from the fruit to stave of any possible astringent bitterness - finished by a long complex velvety finish.

but i think what was most satisfying about the evening was the conversation that happened over the course of the evening. friends and family (and dogs!) gathering together to enjoy each other's company eat delicious food and drink and discuss epic wines.

all in all a pretty great weekend... hard to imagine it gets better than that!

Say uncle..... YET AGAIN!!!!!

2008-10-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

Introducing Cole Walker Renninger!
Born Sunday 10/05/08 @ 7:07am
9 lbs 7.3 oz, 22 in.

the gradual act of getting over your hangups

2008-09-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

i don't see a lot of movies. ironic since i've been building movie websites for the past 10 years.

there's something about seeing a movie by myself that just makes me uncomfortable. it all has to do with me and i freely own up to the irrational collection of neuroses that prevent me from stepping into a movie theater solo: my discomfort at being alone in a dark room surrounded by strangers, my embarrassment over my oftentimes explosively big laugh, the feeling i get that it puts a microscope on how goddamn single i am... i could go on and on.

i've traveled to remote corners of the world by myself. i have no problem eating a meal in a crowded restaurant by myself. i love sitting by myself and watching people pass by.

and for some reason i can't step into a movie theater alone.

but today i went and saw a movie... by myself.

... and it wasn't all that bad.

i also hate cowards

2008-09-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

a little over a week ago i posted that i hate car salesmen

i rarely get comments on my blog - really it's just an exercise for me to put down my thoughts and if any of it affects anyone... great.

today i get a comment from "Anonymous" on that particular post... and i quote:

"That's too bad you feel that way about the Salesman. It is obvious that you are not paid by commission, so you do not understand. You are probably paid by the hour having very little skills other than typing. Good luck and good bye."

come on... really?

you're right i am not paid by commission but i have worked retail commission based sales and it sucks. i don't envy the salesman's life one bit. it's a tough job.

but my skills or my empathy for the salesman isn't what's at issue here. what's at issue here is that the salesman invaded my privacy by taking the information from my drivers license and - without my permission - used that information to find out my phone number. that's not being a salesman... that's being a straight up stalking assbag.

i love the interweb. particularly that it allows a nobody like me to post random thoughts as i go about my life. but the interweb also allows this layer of anonymity where we feel like we can say whatever we want and not have to take any responsibility for what we say.

this guy says what's on his mind and takes no responsibility - posting the comment as "Anonymous". this is the blogging equivalent to running up to a kid in elementary school from behind, punching him and then running away as fast as you can.

that shit is totally spineless. hey "Anonymous", put on your big boy pants, grow a pair and take some responsibility for your words.

i say what i say and i take full responsibility for it all. oh and i also love that since this is my blog, i always get to have the last word.

and for the record, i'm a terrible typist.

it's official!

2008-09-11T09:52:00.001-07:00

Kilimanjaro here I come!

Just got the information packet for my 40th bday Kili trek next June. 9 days up, 2 days down, 7 days on safari in the Serengeti and 5 days in Zanzibar....

cant

effing

wait

stars and laughter

2008-09-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

we met for dinner and talked for hours about everything...
all i could think about was how smart and funny she was...
and how badly i wanted to kiss her.

we left after closing time and went to a bar down the street for a drink and talked some more...
all i could think about was how ambitious and interesting she was...
and how badly i wanted to kiss her.

we went to my car and i gave her a catalog filled with travel ideas that we rifled through forever...
all i could think about was how adventurous and interested in the world she was...
and how badly i wanted to kiss her.

i walked her to her car and we said goodbye for the night...
and we kissed.

and all i could think about was stars and laughter.

i hate car salesmen

2008-09-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

i test drove a car yesterday at rusnak audi in pasadena. awesome car, fairly typical/uneventful test drive experience. i told the salesman that i basically needed more time to suss out my thoughts before i made any decision about the car. i got his card and we left it at that - i never gave him any contact information. (i'll leave out his name because karma is a bitch)

so he took it upon himself to use the information on my drivers license to get my phone number from information so he could call and "thank me". totally inappropriate and out of line. what's more, the number he called wasn't mine - it belonged to my ex (totally frikkin awesome) who referred him to my actual unlisted phone number. if this is expected protocol for all of their salespeople, rusnak needs to seriously revise their sales practices. like now.

hey rusnak... if i want you to call me, i'll give you my phone number. period. don't fucking stalk me to say "thank you".

i was really considering buying from this dealership too but this incident has really turned me off to this place. bottom line, best price is best price and if they can give me the best price, i'll buy the car from them.

but they're gonna have to work extra for it - maybe make the salesman dance around in a pink tutu and sing "i'm a little teapot" in downtown pasadena on a weekend night.

but that salesman isn't getting one goddamn cent in commission.

*update: called the general or sales manager and explained to him what happened. he was very gracious and said all the things any good sales manager would say including that they'd work to earn back my business. time will tell.

my continuing wine-ucation

2008-09-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

my friend chris invited me and phineas to another of his family bbqs yesterday. the last bbq is still so fresh in my memory... i was really chomping at the bit at the possibility of another one. yeah i know it was only a month ago but i'm old and i really do tend to forget things more than i did before. (where was i?...)

so i know i've mentioned this before but, his family is so incredible. it's really mind-boggling. they're all so full of joy and kindness - not in a spiked kool-aid sort of way... totally genuine and seemingly without judgements. seriously, they're great.

ANYHOW... chris' mother-in-law comes over to us while i'm in the kitchen helping chris prepare this roasted tomato and mozzarella tart (basically a caprese pizza on puff pastry dough... yum!) and says she needs our help. we follow her out to the garage where she opens up the holy grail (as far as i'm concerned) of wine cabinets and asks us to pick wine for the evening. the choices were mind boggling but here's what we picked:

#1

1990 cos d'estournel, saint-estephe
(typically a blend of 60% Cabernet Sauvignon, 38% Merlot and 2% Cabernet Franc)

this one was great but, honestly it was a little thinner to me in the nose and front that i expected... still, with a finish that lasted for a good 30 seconds, it was a great way to start the night.

#2

1990 chateau longueville - baron de pichon-longueville, pauillac
(a blend of 70% Cabernet Sauvignon, 25% Merlot, and 5% Cabernet Franc)

this was more in keeping of what i understand a good bordeaux should be... vegetable-y, oily, slight minerality... subtle fruit... complex. and finish that lasts for days. just incredible.

#3

1990 chateau cheval blanc, st émilion
(the '89 was 66% Cabernet Franc, 33% Merlot, 1% Malbec so this one may follow a similar blend)

words can't describe this one... i'm just fucking dumbfounded.

take what i said about the chateau longueville and wrap it in a velvety leathery coating dipped in cherry infused chocolates. add a complex, earthy nose and a front that honestly tasted like bell peppers straight from the garden in a fresh pomodoro sauce... and a finish that kept going... OMG. just shoot me 'cause i don't ever want to drink any other kind of wine. seriously. i dunno if it's worth what the collectors pay for it but man this was a stellar wine.

in all seriousness, i think katherine may need to marry me. though, that would make my friend chris my son in law (of sorts) which might make subsequent family reunions be a little awkward.

ok well... in lieu of that, more bbqs!

adventures in internet dating...

2008-08-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

last night i went on a first date with someone i met online.

she was funny and intelligent and interesting... and beautiful. the type of beautiful you grow up to next door or down the street as a kid. the girl that you had a crush on since you were 7 or 8 or 9. genuine. unadulterated. comforting but yet not comfortable. still plenty of unknown which is enough to keep that crush going on long after you or she moves away. and enough to keep the imagination roiling into adulthood.

we said goodbye for the night with an awkward hug that lasted a second longer than i expected. but in that second i realized how long it had been since i'd felt that feeling of familiarity.

and there she was in my arms.

i'm smitten.

calabasas is on fire

2008-08-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

great friends and epic wines

2008-08-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

my friend chris invited me and phineas over to a family bbq at his mother-in-law's house today. i'd been to another bbq with them about a month ago and any chance i get to spend time with chris i jump at it. you see, chris is good peeps. talented flash guy, loving father, devoted husband... we should all be a little more like chris. and his family is just incredible. so open and warm and accepting and interesting and interested in the world.... and phineas gets a chance to dog out with chris' pooch gravy and 5 or 6 other dogs... how could i say no to an invitation like that?

ANYHOW, chris' mother-in-law is an avid collector of bordeaux and tonight she broke out some mind-blowers.

behold...

1990 vieux château certan - pomerol

1998 chateau la mission haut-brion

and a 1989 chateaux d'yquem sauternes that i was so blown away by that i forgot to take a picture of it.

i'm not even going to attempt to describe these indescribable wines. any description i could come up with would, i'm certain, be so far off the mark in terms of accuracy that the attempt would be a disservice to anyone who reads this. suffice to say that these wines were RE... TAR... DED.

and at the end of the evening, chris breaks this box of chocolates that his father-in-law had brought over from singapore that tasted like nothing i've ever had... quite possibly the most decadent chocolate i've ever tasted.

and then he sends me home with a couple boxes.

i'm so not worthy.... and yet i look forward to the next bbq!

(the disconnect in that last statement boggles the mind)

the fine art of disappointment

2008-07-30T09:49:00.000-07:00

do i believe in the basic goodness of all people out of idealism or because it's just easier?

i mean, if i believe that you're good and that your intentions and actions are aligned i don't have to second guess you and figure out your motives and your next move.

but when you disappoint me - as most people do because no one is ever 100% aligned in their good intentions and actions - it hurts that much more because i expected more than that from you. or... i didn't expect you to disappoint me.

maybe i need to expect that people will disappoint me from now on. maybe i need to hone my people reading skills so i can weed out the bullshit artists from the good people.

but what a fucked up way to live life - scrutinizing everyone.

i think i can still believe in the core good that exists in everyone. but maybe i need to just adjust that outlook to accommodate the poor choices that we all make. despite our best intentions for good.

who knows.

Yaz @ The Orpheum

2008-07-12T09:00:00.001-07:00

Allison and Vince still have it after 25 years! Incredible show.

back to it

2008-07-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

welp... i think i had a full 18 hours of post-vacation afterglow to bask in until i had to jump into my now trademark no-life work days™. whatever, it's a living and it allows me to travel so i really have nothing to complain about.

the birthday in belize was wonderful. i ended up meeting a fantastic group of people to celebrate it with - all really amazing people. we all were on a dive boat that day, met for happy hour afterwards, had dinner together and then moved back to the bar for more celebration. and despite not wanting a big deal made over anything they all sang happy birthday to me - twice. all in all, a pretty original birthday. it's so comforting to know that, no matter where in the world i happen to go, i always seem to meet great people.

the belizean bday dinner crew - you guys rule

the bday celebrations continued when max, robyn, jim and teresa all took me out this past saturday to dinner and to this dueling piano bar called howl at the moon. alternating between hysterical and horrifying, the place is really just an excuse for people to get sloppy drunk and sing raunchy songs with strangers. anyhow, they have this thing called "word of the day" where you pay the guys at the pianos x dollars to write whatever you want them to write up on this whiteboard. chimp simple but for drunk people it's the best thing ever. my friends had the bra-zlliant idea to put my number up on the board... "for a good time call...". calls and texts start pouring in, i have to go and kiss a cute little blondie that has no idea what's going on. hilarity ensues.

you didn't think i was actually going to post my phone number, did you?

oh and i had to do the peewee herman tequila dance in front of everyone. footage of which (yes there's footage) need not be posted publicly.

so now it's back to real life with me and the dog. glad to be back, sad to be back. though i'm already planning for the next adventures... mauritania in december then palau and yap over new years. i better get to work and earn some money!

cien buceos

2008-06-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

i hit 100 logged dives yesterday at a site called myrtle turtle in the turneffe atoll. the 3 sites we dove were all spectacular and i was snapping pictures and video all over the place - there was just so much to take in.

our second dive, as i was finishing shooting a school of blue tang - feeding on the coral as they swam long - we were visited by a huge, old hawksbill turtle - barnacles on it's shell and everything. awesome sight. it ducked under an overhang to scratch the remorae off it's back and then took off again toward my friend don. great sighting.

my camera was out of juice for the the 3rd dive - myrtle turtle, site of my 100th dive - so i took that as a sign that i was supposed to just relax and enjoy the view. about 15 minutes into the dive at about 60 ft, the ocean saw fit to give me a little gift - a long nose seahorse, about 5 inches long just sitting there. i was the first one to see him... quite a gift! luckily my friend don had his camera with him and was able to get a good shot of him along with a few other amazing creatures.

taking the day off today - more by force than anything else. i had signed up for one last whaleshark dive today but it had to be cancelled because of choppy water and windy conditions. another sign. i figure i'll try to do a couple more dives tomorrow and then maybe take a bike into town to do a little sightseeing and shopping before i have to take off on wednesday.

views of belize...

2008-06-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

pitcher sponge

emperor butterfly fish (i think)

self portrait

little territorial blue meanie

pretty coral

OOOOOOOOOO...... barracuda!

more pretty coral

reef shot

hawksbill turtle

scorpion fish

diving in and out of the stalactites at the blue hole

grey reef shark

coral block

little bumblebee fishies (yes, that's their scientific name)

relaxing after a long day of diving

little jellyfish

lunch spot

belize it... or not!

2008-06-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

day 1 of my long awaited and well-deserved dive trip to belize is drawing to a close and man what a day it's been.

got up at 3:30am in order to be ready for a towncar to pick me up at 4:15 (a new indulgence for me but it ended up costing the same as parking my car at the airport) in order to get me to the airport by 5am (astounding how many people were at LAX at 5 in the frikkin morning) in order to take off for houston by 6:30. the plane ended up being delayed by about an hour due to electrical problems but luckily i still made my connecting flight to belize city with a few minutes to spare. another short layover in belize city and then i jumped on a little single-prop cessna with some other vacationers for a 20-minute flight to the airstrip in dangriga (which has such a short runway that if you miscalculated the landing by even the smallest margin it seems like you'd go careening off into the ocean). a 30 minute drive over roads that were 50/50 roughly paved to not paved at all and here i am. no worse for wear but man am i exhausted.

my room at hamanasi is wonderful - it's on the second story and bigger than i expected and has a balcony that overlooks the pool area and the ocean just beyond. i'm already signed up for a 3-tank boat dive at glover's reef atoll bright and early tomorrow morning, a 2 or 3-tanker to lighthouse reef and the world famous blue hole on wednesday and a whale shark expedition on thursday. i already love the staff and so far the drinks have all been nice and potent. the goal is to be on a boat every day while i'm here. i should break 100 total dives this weekend if i can do that. all the makings for an amazing trip, if you ask me.

i know i'm already piquing the curiosity of the staff and other guests since i'm literally the only solo guest here. i'm quickly reminded of the sort of mental games i go through when i'm out on trips like this. it's hasn't been since the maldives 2 years ago that i was completely solo - on every other trip i've taken since then i've known at least one other person. but here i'm all alone. and what happens is that the self consciousness sets in - how do i appear, what do others think of me, what are their judgements of me... that kind of shit. i know i can appear aloof and stand-offish or disinterested in others or what have you. i just have to remind myself that it's precisely these types of trips that i take to force me out of my shell and not be such a recluse so i can reconnect with the rest of the humanity. and that all it takes is for me to give people the chance to talk to me and all the illusions they may have had get dispelled. to know me is to love me... or something like that. but it's still weird and uncomfortable.

the inaugural test of the new camera gear is tomorrow. we'll see how that goes. i have my simpler older setup with me just in case.

in the meantime.... ¡otra cuba libre, señor!

jack nicholson is even cooler than you thought

2008-04-16T13:29:00.000-07:00

check out this footage of jack helping to promote a chevy powered with hydrogen that was made using solar power. big deal you say? well, given that this footage is from 1978, i'd say it's a huge deal.

ahh the progress we've made in 30 years.

(thanks, AutoblogGreen)

I love springtime in LA

2008-04-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

a hillside in topanga covered in wild mustard

great... yet another example of how i rape mother earth.

2008-04-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

Another Reason We Are Running Out Of Fossil Fuels

Photo Credit Larsz Creative Commons Flickr

"If recent years are any guide, 40 kilograms, (88 pounds) of petroleum jelly will be used during today's London Marathon to prevent chaffing, blistering and "runner's nipple."
(via treehugger)

... and i thought i was just being healthy.

the joys of running...

2008-04-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

so i've been training for the santa barbara wine country half marathon for about 7 weeks now. today was 9 miles at about a 9:12 pace... not bad. that puts me on track for a 2hr finish time which was the ultimate goal.

training has been extremely labored for me in the past few weeks. a project i'm working on is sapping all of my mental reserves and i'm just having general low energy issues so my motivation to run just hasn't been there. if it wasn't for phineas i probably wouldn't run in the morning at all. running with him so far has been great. i have yet to find his limit and he's really helped push my limits - to where i can do shorter runs (< 6 miles) at around an 8:20 pace.

but it's not as zen as i would like it to be at all. i constantly have to monitor him to make sure he doesn't run too far ahead of me and when people and/or other dogs enter our path i have to really eagle-eye him to make sure he behaves. so today i decided to try something a little different and decided to the longer run by myself. and i think it really helped. poor phineas now has to be satisfied with 5-10k distances until i can get my endurance up to where i can keep up with him and his quirks.

anyhow, on a completely different note, i've noticed that after really long runs i end up smelling like sour milk. what the fuck is up with that? i mean, i don't expect to smell like roses or anything after running these longer distances... but sour milk? couldn't i smell like something manly like, i dunno... old spice or something? or how about nothing at all. oh and the random ass and nipple chafage is back. no bleeding, just chafing... greeeaaaaat.. guess it's time to bandage up my nips before these longer runs.

welcome to my world.

descanse en paz

2008-03-23T08:34:00.001-07:00

(Israel Lopez "Cachao" © Mark Diamond/Diamond Images - 2002)

Israel "Cachao" López
September 14, 1918 – March 22, 2008

you can't listen to modern latin music without hearing this man's incredible influence. in the 1930s, along with his brother oréstes, he created what became the mambo which served as the basis for latin music of all types - from salsa to latin jazz and beyond.

his influence on me as a bass player was larger than life and shaped not just the musician i am today but how i listen to music. i dare say he had a similar influence on every musician that was aware of his contributions.

como su ritmo no hay dos, maestro.

respeto.

the tap project

2008-03-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

----

we all take water for granted and this is a simple way to do something to help the estimated billion-plus people on this planet with little to no access to clean water. this week, at restaurants around the country, you can donate a minimum of $1 per glass of tap water that you drink - something that is usually provided to you for free - to UNICEF backed clean water programs.

this is a cause that's dear to my heart having spent time with the nomadic and semi-nomadic communities in saharan niger. if you happen to see this post, please participate.

the tap project - participating restaurants
united nations - water for life site
united nations - world water day site

the year i got unstuck

2008-03-20T11:19:00.000-07:00

i know it's been a while since my last post - work and phineas keeping me busy - but i've been trying to wrap my head around what happened last year. and let's be honest, it's not like a whole lot of people are hanging on my every word here. this is for me primarily and if anyone happens to stumble upon this thing and get anything out of what i type.... all the better i suppose.

anyhow, i'm not sure i have many deeply reflective thoughts about '07. i mean, it was a big year. and that bigness has all been in the form of forward movement. sometimes the decisions that had to be made in order to ensure that forward movement were heartbreaking but in the end the result more than justifies everything, i think. it's been a year of new beginnings, a year of hard work, a year of coming to grips with and - if not fully, at least mostly - embracing the solitude i find myself in, a year of trying new things, a year of amazing travel adventures... a year of getting unstuck.

last year i made a resolution to be lighter - to not necessarily gloss over the big decisions and events in my life but maybe to accept them into my life with more compassion and humor and not be burdened by them as is my usual m.o. my report card... i think i did pretty well. truth be told, i'm more at peace now than i was a year ago. more at peace than i have been in a while, actually. the last vestiges of my life as a husband and the man i used to be are gone now and without those decisions weighing on me anymore i can finally sprint headlong into my future. so i guess it feels easier to have a lighter outlook on life.

as for new resolutions... continued forward movement would be a good one. maybe continued lightness. maybe reinforcing the peace that i seem to be enjoying now.

... one day at a time.

It's good to be home

2007-12-23T20:56:00.001-08:00

Xmas 07... 3 bottles down, 13 to go. And we're in the middle of sonoma
wine country. It's gonna be a good week.

we are none of us alone...

2007-11-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

----

We are none of us alone
even as we exhale it is inhaled by others
the light that shines upon me shines upon my neighbor as well
in this way everything is connected to everything else
In this way I am connected to my friend even as I am connected to my enemy
In this way there is no difference between me and my friend
In this way there is no difference between me and my enemy
We are none of us alone

----

i am absolutely taken with a new show on nbc called "life". if you haven't watched it, do yourself a favor and start. on the surface, it's nothing more than a quirky crime drama but as you get to know the main character - charlie crews - you realize the show (and it's writing) is way deeper than just that. crews' dialog is peppered with zen or zen-like sayings that cut through rhetoric and bullshit with some wonderful universal truths... if you or the other characters are open to really hearing them. sometimes it's difficult for even crews to accept the zen sayings that come out of his mouth - a dichotomy that i love and i think is mirrored in all of us as we try to navigate the murky moral waters of our day-to-day.

this particular poem/saying/what-have-you really hit home for me. and it's started to generate an interesting discourse on the internets - just google the opening line.

my reaction to it is like this... the level of disconnection i feel from the world - whether by circumstance or choice - has fueled my search these past few years to find the ways in which i actually do fit into the world... in which i really am connected... in which we all are connected. through shared experience, joys, tragedies, fears, needs we all experience the existence of the shared human condition - which is powerful like nothing else. combine it with a little radiohead and you have a formula for quite the lasting impression.

i don't know if the sayings come from the mind of a writer or are lifted from zen or buddhist texts, but my hat goes off to the writers responsible for this character. it's comforting to know that even a random show on monday night can remind me of how i fit in to the scheme of things.

say hello to phineas!

2007-10-04T17:10:00.001-07:00

introducing phineas d. houlihound!

i finally decided that it was time to get back in the game - so to speak. the 2 months i've been without otis and sadie have been heartbreaking and really just emphasized what an important part of my life dogs had become.

so i resolved that once i got back from hawaii i would look into adopting a new buddy. i had the founder of the friend for pets foundation - a rescue organization that specializes in weimaraners and who otis and sadie were adopted from - come and check out my backyard about 2 hours after i landed in l.a. then that sunday i went to their facility where they currently have about 70 dogs all looking for homes. i met phin (then called vince) and instantly fell in love. i took a week to think things over and then i had him spend the weekend with me . challenging weekend but rewarding and again it really made me realize how much i love dogs. i thought i was going to bring him back to the shelter and sit on it another week to see how much i missed him but the drive back to the shelter was so sad for me that i adopted him instead of returning him.

with a face like that how could i not?

anyhow, he was picked up as a stray in bakersfield with no collar and no tags. someone obviously loved him because he had clipped nails, clean ears, good coat and good weight. and since he's only about a year old he's got an almost overwhelming amount of exuberance and energy (maybe why he was abandoned). he's got some issues as most rescues - and certainly most puppies - do but it's nothing insurmountable or untrainable.

sure am looking forward to some great years with this guy...

aloha from 90 ft below!

2007-09-12T10:37:00.001-07:00

about 90 feet down in a 1 or 2 knot current at a site called new barge off honolulu, these spotted eagle rays were just hovering there flapping their wings enough to remain motionless against the current

current conditions in la paz...

2007-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

hot, dry and windy with murky water.

dunno if it's hurricane dean or not but we're getting a shitload of wind out here which is causing some serious surface chop. underneath is not much better. an algae bloom has decreased viz down to about 20 feet everywhere we go. green water forever. there's a drastic thermocline at about 60 feet where the temp just plunges down into the low 70s. and peeing in your wetsuit only warms you up for so long.

you can tell the diving is great here - there's definitely lots of stuff down there. you just can't see it right now. a crap day of diving is still better than the best day at work and hopefully it'll clear up soon but, for tomorrow, i think i'm gonna hang out by the pool instead.

¡ron y coca para mi!

time to let go of the big decisions...

2007-08-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

i'm mexico-bound people! 5 days of nothing but diving, rum, sun and hopefully not too much influence from hurricane dean. hoping... praying... it's been a crazy couple of weeks - hell it's been a crazy past few months - and boy do i need this break.

i finally put to bed that medical air purification site i've been working on forever. what a pain in the ass that project was. mid way through, the client got rid of their internet savvy marketing guy and replaced him with 2 completely green summer interns from usc. which effed everything up. lesson learned, i guess. but man what a clusterfuck that site turned out to be.

i also pretty much put to bed a site for a local fashion designer. just a few more tweaks til i can push that one live. hopefully when i return from mexico i can put that one to bed as well. links forthcoming...

all of this furious work that had to happen before i leave the country.

then a couple weeks ago i decide to give my ex full custody of my two beautiful dogs. what a heartbreaking decision. but it needed to happen and as much as i miss them i know they'll be better off for it. and i'll be better able to completely move forward with my life.

and THEN not 24 hrs after i give up the dogs i get a call from my lawyer telling me that as of 3 days prior i was officially a free man. michael renninger - divorcé. trippy. like i knew some finality was occurring that weekend and i decided to act on it and sever all ties by giving up the dogs. no coincidences.

AND THEN - not 4 days after that - i found a house that i just yesterday submitted an offer on.

all of this change... moving me forward into a new life. as uncomfortable as it may be. whether i like it or not. no time to think... just react. make a decision and get on with it. the old life becoming now just part of my past. indelibly leaving its impression on me but hopefully not binding me to it. i guess that's my choice though. to take the lessons of my past and integrating them into who i am now without allowing myself to be a slave to my past.

so much change.

my head spins.

the week's damage

2007-08-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

yes it's been a long week. and what better evidence of a long week than to show the carnage from my quickly dwindling wine collection?

from left to right
• 05 tensley colson canyon syrah - magnificent santa ynez valley new world berry bomb of a syrah... amazing nose, big chocolatey fruit, long finish. love it!
• 04 seghesio san lorenzo zinfandel - initial opening was a little disappointing and flat but when i drank it the following night it revealed much more complexity.
• 04 seghesio passalacqua zinfandel - blackberries dipped in black pepper and horseradish. amazing.
• 03 ridge nervo zinfandel - started off tasting a little young but within an hour of breathing it turned into the best zin of the lot. ultra complex, finish that lasts forever. what you would expect from ridge.
• 01 hanna bismark ranch cabernet - again a little flat across the palate on initial opening but it opened up nicely into a smokey velvety cabernet that had awesome grass/leather hints.

more on my long week in a later post but suffice to say my work and my personal life has been kicking my ass lately... work to cope with the personal shit, drink to cope with the work shit. and then turn it all into a self-revealing web 2.0 anthropological study in an attempt to redeem myself in front of you all.

spoken like a true sociopath, right?

Wine Library TV

2007-08-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

i loves to drink me some wine. i'm not shy about that fact and everyone who knows me knows this about me. some have even threatened a beer intervention to throw me off my love affair with wine. feh! i see your measly pilsner and raise you a super tuscan! at any one time i may have 3 or 4 bottles open at once just to keep my palate titillated throughout an evening (hey, i lead a sheltered life... i need stupid things like this to keep me engaged).

but THIS GUY loves wine. not only does he love wine a lot... he seems to know A LOT about it. his descriptions of wine cut through a lot of the pretense and bullshit we associate with wine tasting - take for example when he describes one of the pinot noirs in the video above as smelling like a shoe with poop and celery rubbed in it... AND THAT'S PLEASING TO HIM!!!

he's unabashed and shameless in his descriptions and ratings. and he's extremely prolific in the amount of shows he produces from his wine shop on the east coast. all presented in a - i have to admit - very slick flash video player interface complete with tags and comments.

a refreshing and entertaining wine education... forget robert parker, steven tanzer or any of those other wine critics... i'm listening to gary vaynerchuk from now on.

link: http://tv.winelibrary.com
rss: http://feeds.feedburner.com/WinelibraryTV

reunited...

2007-07-31T19:35:00.000-07:00

i attended my 20 year high school reunion this weekend. criminy i'm old! quick summary... the women were looking hot, the men were aging poorly, the food was terrible, and i haven't had that much of my past force fed to me in years. probably not since the last reunion 10 years ago.

yeah i dunno what was up with the 30-something women in the house this weekend but the overwhelming majority of them looked great. i think you can say that about most women in their 30s, though. they're past the girliness and insecurities of their 20s, some of them might be mothers, most of them have careers. so there's just an overall confidence, poise and elegance to 30-something women that's just sexy as hell. so sayeth me.

i suppose that'll happen to us guys in our 40s when we get all gray and distinguished looking. one question though, does gray and distinguished happen before or after the obligatory porsche purchase?

and most everyone said i looked exactly the same as i did in high school. i guess if that's a compliment i'll take it.

quick update

2007-07-16T23:31:00.000-07:00

i just realized that i haven't updated in over a month - shame on me.

what's new? not a whole hell of a lot really... mostly work. i'm in the final stages of finishing up a dvd site for meet the robinsons, completed a site for my photographer friend, kelly, completed the site for another another photographer named denise crew - the site might not be live yet so if it blows it's not my work ;) - and i'm currently embroiled in a site for a medical air purification company. so... i'm generally keeping busy.

looking forward to doing some diving in la paz in late august with my dive buddies. might even take the month of september off and go visit the parental units in hawaii - depending on work, of course. i sure do need a fucking break though. again... i thank the gods for the work that i'm bringing in but jesus h shitballs... give a brotha a break and let him unwind.

i went on a blind date not too long ago... well not completely blind. i met her through match.com. you see, since i work at home by myself, i'm not afforded too many opportunities to meet people outside my circle of friends - the overwhelming majority of whom are not single. so, every so often - usually when i just can't stand the isolation anymore - i say "fuck it" and give the iDating thing another go. i'm really picky but you still never really know what you're going to get.

so there i am walking blind into this restaurant... terrified but putting on a good face ... hoping to god i'd recognise her, someone, ANYONE... i even had a good friend waiting for the word from me to know if he needed to come and save me. you see for all i knew, she could have been a big, sweaty, hairy man... with some sort of debilitating nervous tic or odor problem or something. either that or the pictures that she posted could have been from her "younger, hotter, less corpulent" days.

needless to say... she was absolutely who she said she was. no saving necessary. and i was so pleasantly surprised.

apparently the internet can be trusted from time to time.

now... if i could only figure out how to get her to go out with me again.

site refresh

2007-05-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

ok so that last post was pretty dark. honest... but dark. and not really keeping with my new years resolution.

so what's a newly divorced, workaholic and perhaps slightly anti-social flash developer to do when face to face with the dark shit? why... he thumbs his nose at his demons (or, wait, did i actually embrace them?) and isolates himself for a week and drinks lots of expensive wine while he works through the pain. of course. thwa! i spit at you, demons!

if(bottleOfReallyGoodWine == full){

michael.drinkAndGetOrnery();

}

the result? the completion of 2 client projects and a rethink of my portfolio site that i put the finishing touches on today. it was mostly borne from being sick of having something that was 4 years old, preachy and never updated associated with my professional life. now i can actually use my site for what it was meant to be used for... to keep me in work.

so now we have the new, slimmer, more utilitarian sensitiveartist. nothing unnecessary - a little about me, a gallery of my work with links to the live projects and a simple mailto for contacting me.

glad to have that done and off my plate.

maybe tomorrow i'll actually step outside.

the final nail

2007-05-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

we signed divorce papers today...

it's been a long time coming and i'm relieved to have it done but no amount of xanax can seem to mitigate the utter sense of failure and loss and sadness that i'm feeling right now.

i couldn't even look at her - the woman i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. it started with love and got reduced to this - 3 years of bickering, a morass of paperwork and 4 signatures over 30 minutes.

1 or 2 more months and the court makes it official.

what a complete, terrible shame.

travel...

2007-04-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

just caught the tail end of an episode of "no reservations" on the travel channel - celebrity chef anthony bourdain's travel/food/philosophy show. i love watching his show for the simple reason that he's honest and seemingly fearless - he is who he is, and makes no apologies. at the end of his shows he always manages to sum up the experience of traveling to whatever country he's traveled to in one simple and profound statement. i found the one at the end of the malaysia episode very poignant and filled with meaning for myself...

"travel isn't always pretty. it isn't always comfortable. sometimes it hurts. it even breaks your heart. but that's o.k. because the journey changes you. it should change you. it leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart and on your body. you take something with you. hopefully you leave something good behind."

fuckin-a, tony... i couldn't agree more.

gathering moss

2007-04-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

i'm back in l.a. now from a week-long visiting with my parents in hawaii and i'm finally able to sit down and organize my thoughts about everything that's happened over the past month or so.

it was great to see my parents and the new life they've built for themselves on oahu. turns out my fears of them being bored and restless during retirement were unfounded because there's always something for them to do - whale watching, looking after the green sea turtles on the north shore, volunteering with their church group, hiking, sightseeing... all of it against this gorgeous hawaiian backdrop. and if they ever get antsy for something different, the other islands are just a 30 minute plane ride away. they have a great life there. a deserved reward for so many years of sacrifice and hard work.

i can't believe how long it's taken to formulate my thoughts about my trip to niger - a testament to how intense the trip was. but i think i've come up with my take-away from it all...

over the course of the 9 days we were trekking, i came into contact with some of what i would categorize as the most impoverished people that i've ever encountered. these people - all of them nomadic tuareg (as opposed to the ones who have settled in small villages) - had nothing, less than nothing, nothing of nothing. most of them had a small herd of goats to tend to, shelter and minimal posessions but one woman we met lived in a cave with her son and had only the clothes on her back. not even the goats she was tending were hers. and still she extended to us an invitation to come to her cave to visit for a while.

so then what does that really mean to have nothing? the term "impoverished" is really a judgement - me qualitatively interpreting their circumstances based on my vastly different life experience. but their circumstances were what they were and they were happy. life is as life always has been for them. it's a hard life - i'm not contesting that. but they have nothing else to compare it to (perhaps until we came along). and with nothing to a/b their life against what have they to want for as long as their needs are met?

i mean the only thing that separates me from them is chance - a genetic roll of the dice. i was born into the life i was born into and i'm thankful for what i have and who i am but if i was born into the life of a nomad would i be any less satisfied and thankful if i had nothing to compare it to? most likely not.

so in the end, all that matters is happiness - whatever form it comes in. whether it's working hard to raise a family and then retiring in hawaii or periodically travelling the world in order to reconnect yourself to it... or tending to a herd of goats... and if we're able to recognise happiness when it's there then maybe that's all we need.

back in the u.s.

2007-03-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

so i've been back in the country now for about 5 days... and i'm still having trouble formulating and summarizing all my thoughts about my recent trip to niger into the concise easy-flowing prose that you've come to expect. so many incredible things happened. i'll need a few more days...

in the meantime, i've created a gallery for your enjoyment. click here to check it out (flash 8 required - of course)

the king of the desert

2007-03-14T05:34:00.000-07:00

an homage to my friend shawn who couldn't make it on this trip.

Welcome to Algeria!

2007-02-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

Ghardaia airport

here we go...

2007-02-25T12:06:00.001-08:00

25 feb 07 : paris

4am:
ok so i wasn't so impressed with paris when i was here in '05. it seemed to me then like just another sprawling metropolis - just like any other. i guess considering that i had then just arrived from spending 3 weeks in the poorest country in africa one can hardly blame me for my apathy. but what's happened since then is that my memories of what i saw here have taken on a life of their own - becoming more florid and romantic as time goes on - to the view i have now of paris... i love this city. everything is beautiful. the people, the language, the architecture, the culture. it's all so vibrant and well... breathtakingly beautiful.

i arrived yesterday about mid afternoon after a 10 hour flight in air france's business class (thank you american express miles) and i have to say that was the most comfortable flight i think i've ever taken. 180° lie flat seats that massage you for 15 minutes at a time, in-seat power for all my gadgets, bottles of an excellent côte du rhône flowing the entire time. and while i can generally sleep on any flight... i was out cold for 6 hours as we crossed the atlantic. brilliant.

i checked in to my hotel in the early evening - a wonderful place to stay... a little more expensive that i would have liked (the tanking dollar doesn't help that issue much) but the rooms are spacious and quiet and very nice. i guess you get what you pay for. by 9pm i was out walking. saturday night in the latin quarter is fantastic! tons of people out and about. bars and cafes and shops all bustling with parisians young and old on these little walking streets. the energy of it all so alive. i spent 3 hours walking all the way through the latin quarter, along the seine past the louvre and orsay museums, winding my way past the national assembly and finally over to the eiffel tower which was lit up like a sparkling christmas tree. a quick jump on the metro and back to the hotel in no time at all. overall, not a bad way to spend my first night.

met up with my friend and guide, annie, in the lobby last night before returning to my room... it was so good to see her and catch up. apparently our flight to agadez on monday is going to be a grueling haul... more about that later. i get to meet the others in the tour group later this morning...

i can't believe i'm actually here. i can't believe how jetlagged i am! eesh.

9pm:
some last thoughts before i go to bed...

met everyone this morning at our pre-trip briefing - interesting group. again, i'm the youngest but not by too much - 8 years maybe. very distinct and eccentric personalities all of them. should be entertaining to see who gets on whose nerves.

the jetlag is definitely kicking my ass. i had every intention of powering through the day in an attempt to force myself into this time zone but my body was having none of it. i finally gave in after lunch and took a 3 hour nap. hopefully that won't affect my getting to sleep tonight.

the flight to agadez is going to be an epic one... all 6 of us head for the airport in a taxi-van at 2:30 in the morning. our flight leaves at 5:15am for marseilles where we pick up more passengers. then it's onto ghardaïa, a city in the north of algeria to refuel. we're then scheduled to land in agadez around 1pm. gotta love these charter flights. it's either this or we fly direct to niamey and then climb into cars for an 8-hour drive to agadez. i guess it'll be fun to see algeria (at least the landing strip).

this may be the last entry for a while depending on the cell networks there... fingers crossed.

off into the unknown!

La tour eiffel la nuit

2007-02-24T15:01:00.000-08:00

Bienvenue à Paris!

2007-02-24T09:30:00.001-08:00

A new adventure begins

7 days and counting...

2007-02-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

well this year started off with a bang... no sooner did i get back to l.a. from the holidays did i get immediately thrown into my patented 12-hour-days™ dealing with several projects at once. i'm fortunate to have the work but jesus christ i need to disappear for a little while.

speaking of that...

about this time 1 week from now i'll be checking into my hotel in paris on my way to another incredible adventure in niger. and while i'm not as anxious and scared as i was before my first excursion to niger i still can't say that i'm entirely peaceful about this trip either. 6 hrs a day of walking/hiking... our minimal belongings strapped to camels and donkeys... the entire trek a big question mark.

something about that country... the extremes - beauty, ugliness, plenty, nothingness... the thought of it all is scary and intoxcating.

i even got wind of a potential work tie-in for this trip - a friend of mine is overseeing the creation of a site for a local non-profit to benefit the tuareg communities in niger - education, clean water, medical supplies. everything seems to be strangely falling into place at the last minute.

i have all the necessary gear (i hope)... still need to get gifts and supplies to give to/trade with the local tuaregs we'll encounter along the way.

can't fucking wait.

bittersweet & the resolve for lightness

2006-12-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

ok so here it comes... year-end thoughts.

i've realized that i've used the word "bittersweet" to describe so many of the events of this year of my life. but, really, it's the most accurate way to describe my view of things. thanksgiving - the evolution of old traditions into new. bittersweet. the high of completing my first marathon after 8 hard months of training and the subsequent emotional crash. bittersweet. the freedom and uncertainty of my first full year working for myself. bittersweet. the joy of traveling all over the world and experiencing the interconnectedness of everything but doing it alone and, despite having the extreme fortune of meeting amazing people along the way, only having myself to share in the experience of the moment. bittersweet. the seemingly never-ending, soul-numbing process of divorce and the progressive release of what was the greatest love of my life... and then the resulting rediscovery of myself. bittersweet.

but then what are these types of experiences without hardship to emphasize their importance and weight? if there was no struggle would the lessons stick? is it the human condition to take everything for granted and only truly appreciate those things that we really have to earn?

or is it possible to experience the hardships and the joys simultaneously with grace and lightness?

historically, this just hasn't been my way. i overthink everything (like the subject of this entry). i overfeel everything. everything is my responsibility and i'm overly hard on myself when i don't live up to my own lofty expectations. is it actually possible for me to stay true to who i am and experience life with less weight?

i've never been one for new year's resolutions - they always seem like "nice-to-haves" without any true intention - but this year i'm going to make a resolution. i resolve to be lighter. i resolve to continue to reach for excellence but go easier on myself if i fall short. i resolve to laugh equally at challenges and sucesses because both offer me the opportunity to grow. i resolve to be kind to myself without overindulging my tendencies. i resolve to be more spontaneous. i resolve to be thankful for what i have and at the same time realize that i deserve it all. i resolve to celebrate more.

i resolve to be lighter.

love, peace and prosperity to you and yours in '07!

mission accomplished!

2006-12-10T12:40:00.000-08:00

the sense of accomplishment is overwhelming. the bond with max and jim is unbreakable. i am in awe of what i have witnessed today.

i can do anything.

t-minus 8 hrs

2006-12-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

had a real relaxing day today... went to the gym this morning for a 30 minute run on the treadmill then max, jim and i hit the spa for some soaking and steaming... afterwards, the 3 of us went to the art of shaving for a. traditional straight-razor shave. first time doing that. real weird putting complete trust in a stranger with a straight razor at your throat. nevertheless, it was a wonderful experience - very indulgent. more relaxing again at the spa later on in the day then a ridiculous amount of food for dinner and here i am about to hit the sack in order to get as much sleep as possible before i wake up at 3:30 am in order to prepare myself to be down at the start line by 5:30.

the past 8 months of training all leading up to this. i'm giddy, nervous, anxious, and elated. but overall i'm thankful for these wonderful friends that have not only seen us through every training mile to this day but are also here to cheer us on and celebrate with us as we pass this major milestone in our lives.

here we go.

arrival in vegas

2006-12-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

i arrived in vegas this afternoon for the start of marathon weekend. the past 8 months of dedicated training leading me up to this ridiculous test of will and endurance in this most surreal of locales. the reality of it all probably won't hit me unti i hear the starting gun go off.

i'm staying at THEhotel - the boutique hotel attached to the mandalay bay - and the room i got is SICK. penthouse level, view of the strip, huge jacuzzi tub - all of it very tastefully and minimally decorated... just the way i like it. some meals essentially comped, got some of my spa visits taken care of... i don't come to vegas all that often but i think when i come back i'm definietely staying here.

before dinner the 3 of us picked up our bib and goodie bag at the expo they had going on down in the convention hall. i'm runner #1537 (out of roughly 7500 runners!!!). still trying to see if there's going to be a way for people to track my progress online.

time for a soak in that nice tub and for a good night's sleep. roughly 30 hrs and counting...

marathon countdown... 5 days to go

2006-12-05T11:23:00.000-08:00

5 days to go until the race and i'm nervous.

my knees have been acting up because of the colder weather... i'm having a little trouble walking... i'm fighting a cold... the weather in vegas on race day at the start line is gonna be in the 30s and now it looks like they're predicting rain. things seem to be stacking up against me. like the universe is emphasizing that it's not gonna just hand me this. that i'm gonna have to earn it. through pain, sweat, tears and quite possibly a little vomit.

gotta be disciplined. no booze until after the race. nightly hot epsom salt bath soaks. stretching. 2-3 liters of water per day. a short 2 or 3 miler tomorrow or thursday. a deep tissue massage today... and more stretching.

fingers crossed...

the power of family

2006-11-30T10:49:00.000-08:00

thankgiving this year was bittersweet. it was the first one not spent with my parents (who moved to hawaii this summer). it was the first one with the 2 new additions to the family, coryn and quincy. it was the first one celebrated in neil and laura's new place in the oakland hills... and, with everyone rushing around fulfilling other family obligations, it was the first one not actually celebrated on thanksgiving day.

lots of firsts, lots of newness, all of it amazing.

but it got me thinking about traditions and how little of those we have left in our lives. how it used to be our parents generation that kept the various family traditions alive - giving us a sense of normalcy to our lives year after year. something to set our calendars to and rely on. how it's now up to my generation to continue those traditions and be flexible enough to allow them to evolve and develop as we do the same. how, no matter who we are in our "normal" lives, being part of family traditions serves as a powerful reminder that we're not as ugly, broken or unloveable as our internal dialog may tell us we are. that we're part of something bigger and richer and more profound than we could possibly be as mere individuals. that we are connected in a very tangible way to the world around us through the family bond and it's traditions.

... and for this i am eternally thankful.

23

2006-11-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

jim and i ran 23 miles today!

not that the feat was easy by any stretch of theimagination but neither was it as excruciatingly difficult as the 20 miler we did 3 weeks ago. we had our issues - of course. jim only slept for maybe 30 minutes the night before which led to a bit of delerium and significant exhaustion about midway through the run. and it was unusually hot... probably upper 80s. which is never easy to run long distances in. i started having my usual ankle/instep pains... this time, though, they were more in my left foot. i mixed it up quite a bit today though - new arch support inserts in my shoes (brilliant - should have bought them sooner), new neoprene ankle brace for the problems i thought i was going to have with my right foot (equally brilliant - gonna get a 2nd one just in case), new sports drink mix with a higher electrolyte mixture and less sugar (also brilliant - gotta get more), and i also carried hydration with me for the first time instead of relying on the pit stops every 3 miles or so.

all in all it was - again - a huge learning experience in the ways the body adapts to extreme circumstances.

(proof)

i think we're ready for the race.

Say uncle... AGAIN!

2006-11-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

Say hello to Quincy Neil Renninger!
Born Thursday 11/02/06 @ 3:40pm
8 lbs 5.9 oz, 20.5 in.

GERONIMO!

2006-10-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

i jumped out of a plane from 13000 ft this past sunday. though this isn't the first time i've done something this insane - the last time i did it was about 10 years ago - i figured i was way past due for something to shake the cobwebs loose. if it wasn't for my friend brian at genex - a newly licensed and ravenous skydiver- this would have never happened. my instructor, dave, came up to me beforehand and asked me how adventurous i was and if i wanted to have a little fun... watch the video for the result...

my (professional) life for the past 4 months...

2006-10-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

acura 07 rdx interactive showroom
acura 07 tl interactive showroom
acura 07 tl type s interactive showroom
acura 07 mdx interactive showroom

i've been working with some damn fine people over at genex since june on a pretty fun project that has recently been consuming all of my time and creative energy - acura's model year 2007 interactive showrooms. it's been a lot of work and some pretty ridiculous deadlines and schedules - writing, rewriting and then refining code, animation and functionality umpteen times. but everything launched on time and acura seems to be really pleased with the results. whew!

nice to get some automotive stuff in my book finally.

now i just have to find my next gig...

TWENTY

2006-10-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

this past saturday jim and i ran 20 miles - what has to be the most difficult physical task i've ever completed.

once i finished, i actually and very unexpectedly broke down for a little bit. max - who was crewing for us instead because he decided to run the long beach marathon the next day - said this kind of stuff happens. that you're digging down so deep just to finish that once you do you're just overcome with emotion. which is what happened. i was in so much pain during the last 5 miles or so that i eventually had to walk for 10 minutes and then run for as long as i could and then walk again for another 10 minutes or so to allow the cramping and fatigue to subside. seriously man. i don't know how i did it but i did it.

there are several factors that could have contributed to the physical effects... taking too long of water breaks, not enough electrolytes, the fact that i hadn't run a step since the 18 miler 2 weeks ago, or maybe it was the fatigue leading me to run sloppy which seems to be the source of the problems i'm having with my right ankle.

or maybe it's the fact that it was 20 goddamn miles. doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, i guess.

gotta book a massage appointment for myself.

in 2 weeks jim and i are supposed to do 23 miles - again without max who's going on a nice long vacation to italy. i'm trying to figure out ways to stow away inside his luggage.

delayed in chicago

2006-10-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

That's a board full of delayed flights. O'Hare airport can kiss my ass

caught in a whirlwind in southern spain

2006-10-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

i'm in madrid at the moment on my way back to ther states from a week-long, whirlwind trip to unbelievable andalucia in southern spain to attend the wedding of my friend and guide from africa last year, annie. what an incredible place. the history here is everywhere - you can't breathe without taking some of it in you. and once it's in you it instantly becamoes a part of you and you of it.

in granada i stayed in the old islamic quarter called the albaycín - which is filled with islamic art and architecture, whitewashed buildings, cobblestone streets old churches and gardens, all with the alhambra as a backdrop. simply breathtaking. all of my travel companions from my trip to niger last year were there - our first reunion since the trip almost exactly a year ago. so incredible to get to see them all again in one place for such a wonderful event!

the wedding was held in an old palacio with a huge cypress-lined front entryway. the ceremony itself taking place in a sitting room with an unbelievable view of the alhambra. we all ate dinner in the courtyard of the palacio - eating, drinking, laughing. afterwards we were treated to some authentic flamenco - a troop of friends of annie's. the dancers actually singled me and my friend karine out to come up and dance with them. for anyone who has seen me dance this was no more graceful than what you've already witnessed and (not too surprisingly) there will be no public record of it. at least as far as i know... everybody i met there was so warm and amazing. annies' friends and family, her husband mark's friends and family. couldn't have been more festive and beautiful.

the day afterwards we went to the village of mecina where annie lives - located in a region of the sierra nevada south of granada called the alpujarras - to enjoy a paella party and more drinks. we even got to participate in the procession of a religious festival at a nearby village. the alpujarras are so rustic and charming. 2-lane roads winding their way through the mountains to the various small whitewashed villages that sit precariously on the mountains. almost as if someone had come by with a big paint brush and splashed white paint on them in random places. further up in the mountains, people still adhere to the old traditional sheepherding life - only coming to town when they have to. it's like time has stood still in some places. annie's house is a masterpiece of design and form. she bought it 5 years ago as a completely rundown horse stable, i believe, and renovated it over the course of 3 years into the refuge away from the world it is today. truly inspiring.

back in granada two days afterwards we had time to visit the alhambra and do some shopping. there's nothing i can say about the alhambra that hasn't already been said. th place just takes your breath away with its simple complexity and attention to detail and it's vistas. since, in islam. you're not supposed to represent man or animal in art, the artisans developed writing and geometric patterns in such a way that they became art themselves. i couldn't believe the intricacy if the tile and brick work in the place. and the carvings that were everywhere were just astounding. we spent 4 hours in the place and really just left with a broad overview.

shopping in granada is definitely an overwhelming experience. there's a seemingly endless array of little boutique stores everywhere. turn a corner you've never been to before and up pops a gift shop, a guitarrista and a tea and spice shop. turn another corner and you have an ironworks shop or maybe a tailor or a panaderia. all on these steep, narrow cobblestone streets with mopeds and the occasional car or bus rushing by you.

and life there seems to be centered around food. more specifically, the ubiquitous jamon, manchego, sangría and olives the region is famous for. you're always either on your way to getting food, eating food or just coming from eating food at one of the countless cafés, restaurants or teahouses that you can find there. karine and i stumbled into the most amazing teahouse late last night. we'd walked by it tons of times but never stopped in. the proprietor, mohammad, welcomed us in with jokes and dancing and an irresistible belly laugh that had us in stitches the whole time. he served us this incredible cardimom mint tea - house specialty.

all of the main roads in granada seems to be under construction right now. which is fine since it's possible to walk everywhere anyhow - everything's so close to one another. actually had a driving in granada experience - returning the car i'd rented to drive to mecina. that experience lasted 3 hours or so mostly because of the traffic caused by the endless construction and also because of siesta when everything shuts down from 2 to 5pm - a great concept unless you need to do something productive like return a car. honestly, i prefer walking.

my flight departing granada today was delayed a couple hours causing me to miss my connection to london and los angeles. flight problems seem to be a theme for this trip. leaving l.a. i'd accidentally brought my old passport and had to book a new flight for later in the afternoon so i could go home and get my new passport - oops. total amateur move on my part. then in madrid, my flight to granada was delayed 2 hours bringing me in to the city around 1am. and now this delay which brings me to where i am now... overnight in a hotel in madrid courtesy of iberia airlines.

flight delays aside, i love this country and i can't believe it's taken me so long to come here. everything about it feels so familiar to me for some reason - the people, the language, the terrain. i can't wait to return!

Paella in the alpujarras...

2006-10-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

I'm home.

my introduction to "the wall"

2006-09-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

we did 18 miles today and i don't know what happened but about half way through my body just decided that it was going to play some really nice tricks on me. soreness and aches in my legs from my ass down through my calves to the point where i had to walk the last mile of the route. at the end there my calves were so tight it felt like they were about to split open. needless to say, i'm very disappointed. i know this kind of shit happens to everyone and the fact that it hasn't happened to me until today is pretty amazing but still... i can't shake the thought that my body let me down in a big way today.

or rather... i failed my body in a big way. chalk this one up to dehydration. apparently i wasn't drinking nearly as much water as i should have been and seeing as how i started at a deficit - drank wine last night (although, really frikkin good wine) not properly hydrating all last week - today's run was destined for a wall like the one i experienced, i think.

and now as i write this my legs feel fine... just a little residual soreness in my right ankle but nothing unusual and certainly nothing leading me to think that i ran for a little over 3 hours today. lesson learned... in a big way.

one really cool thing though... max brought this shirt back from hawaii for me. that's right, baby! mestizo pinoy!

i leave for spain in a few days... going there to attend the wedding of my guide from niger last year. the whole group from that trip is going to be there too. can't wait to see them again and reconnect. after the last 2 weeks of 15-hour work days and today's run, i'm ready to recharge my soul.

pride... pure and simple

2006-09-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

ok so those of you who know me, know how proud i am of my brother and his many achievements.

fast forward to today when i receive an envelope from my parents containing the recent issue of u.s. news and world report that features an article on my brothers company entitled "Bets On Biotech". there he is (on the right)... my brother... and his colleagues... smirking back at me from the pages of a respected news journal.

words cannot express the pride or gratitude i'm feeling at this moment. this is today's vanguard of responsible and socially conscious science. investors take note.

running by yourself sucks ass

2006-09-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

max and jim are off in hawaii this week with their significant others leaving me to fend for myself on the milage run for today. i much prefer running with people, lemme tell you. it was hotter than i expected, and i got a later start than usual so the motivation just wasn't there today and it seemed like every mile was a struggle. amazing what a difference it makes to have people to run with. we adjusted our training schedule a bit by pushing everything forward by a week so that we three wouldn't have to run the really long distances alone - today was supposed to be 18 miles... instead, i ran 10. i managed to put in a 9:26 pace but still... man it was tough.

"go home gw"... awesome

2006-09-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

i'm not a big fan of his music but moby has some interesting things to say about today's nyc visit from dubya. apparently years of eating rocks and tanbark has put a little bit of vitriol in his system. that or maybe he's just pissed that gw's stealing his birthday fire. whatever the case... it's a very entertaining and poignant rant.

mileage run #14: 16 miles!!!

2006-09-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

holy crap! 16 miles today! (here's or course via motionbased.com and mapmyrun.com).

this was a great day for a run. a thick marine layer that stuck around until we were done, cool but not cold, slight breeze... perfect. bandaids over my nips so no chafing, didn't have any overheating problems, barely sweat. just overall a great day. i did manage to injure myself last night moving my tv around... not very smart. dunno what i was thinking. i ended up straining my right achilles tendon which flared up and reminded me of it's presence around mile 6. after that it was a matter of just blasting the heavymetalmusic™ and trying to ignore it until the end of the run... not easy by any means but i did it. gotta ice this puppy now.

once again we had our support crew of robyn and teresa meeting us every 3 miles or so to give us water, orange slices, cold washcloths, etc. seriously don't know how this would even be possible without them! if there are any other runners out there looking for a support crew for hire these girls are the best! in fact i may have to be their manager or something. hmmmmmm....

we're taking a break from the long mileage runs while max, robyn, jim and teresa go gallavanting around hawaii. then on the 30th it's 18 miles. GAH!

bridge to breakwater battle wound

2006-09-02T12:48:00.000-07:00

so instead of doing our normal weekend mileage run, the 3 of us decided to enter a 12k (7-point-something mile) race in san pedro today. here's our course according to my gps doohickey. the experience of participating in a race, even one this small, was very different. the mentality changes and, for me at least, you become way more competitive - something i have to keep in check because at the start we were tapping out around an 8 min/mile pace... way too fast. in the end i my pace for the race was right around a 9 min/mile. which is pretty damn good i think. felt strong all the way through despite the heat and humidity. i also go a chance to put my new nike+ ipod running sensor thing to the test and, surprisingly, it did really well. almost exactly matching the accuracy of my gps unit. very impressive considering that on the maintenance run i did with it thursday it was about 50% off in mileage from what i actually ran. so, overall, a great experience.

another milestone for the day... i was talking before about my first experience with nipple chafing... well as a distance runner i've officially earned some stripes... today my nips actually bled! eeeeewwwwwwww..... i thought, "it's only 7 miles what could possibly happen?" well... there you have it.

next week it's 16 miles! and i'll be wearing band-aids.

over half way there!

2006-08-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

today we hit a huge milestone in our training for the vegas marathon... 14 miles! - link 1 (mapmyrun.com) and link 2 (motionbased.com upload from my gps unit). and honestly we felt so good at the end of it we could have probably kept going for another 3 or 4 miles. unreal.

no aches to speak of really - just a little right ankle thing around mile 12 but otherwise i felt STRONG. i still can't believe the distance we covered and that i'm really only a little sore (though ravenously hungry). we had a support crew today. max's wife robyn and jim's fiancée teresa met us every 3 or 4 miles to give us water, orange slices, cold washcloths. what troopers they were and what a difference it made. unbelievable. where i was unsure before, i can now totally see making the full 26.2 with a support crew.

we had a fuckup, though, around mile 4... max had to use the bathroom and, instead of stopping and waiting for him, jim and i soldiered on... big mistake. max thought we were using the bathroom too and waited there for us meanwhile jim and i were already way down the road... a misunderstanding that ended up costing us all a lot of time. lesson learned i guess.

the other thing we encountered today for the first time was the masses of people training for the l.a. marathon and their completely oblivious, pack mentality. multiple pace groups of literally 20 to 30 people each hogging up the road, being inconsiderate and not watching where they are or who they're around. at one point jim and i got caught up in one of the groups that had apparently reached their mileage goal. they suddenly stopped leaving us to fend and weave ourselves through them - not cool. jim actually got hit in the face with a water bottle by some girl not watching what she was doing. the pace leaders need to do a better job of reigning that shit in and the runners need to be more aware. you guys aren't the only ones out there!

ok off my soapbox now...

next week is 7 miles and then the week after that... 16 miles. doesn't seem so impossible anymore.

say UNCLE!

2006-08-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Say hello to Coryn Sy Vong!
Born Tuesday 8/22/06 @ 3:18am.
6lbs 12oz, 19.5 in.

mileage run #10: 12 miles!

2006-08-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

12 miles in 2 hrs with a couple of fairly short walk breaks. my knees didn't give me too many problems and my heart and lungs recovered pretty much instantly! at breakfast afterwards, though, all 3 of us were zombies. still, i can't believe we're almost half way there! 12 miles... unbelievable.

run with it, my friend

2006-08-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

i know no one reads this stupid thing other than when i'm travelling but i just had to put it out there...

after over 2 years of hard work, my good friend steve and his band will be releasing their major label debut next tuesday, aug 15, and will be performing on the tonight show well... tonight... aug 10.

steve and i grew up together, were in our first band together, moved down to l.a. together... we've been through a lot. and through everything he's experienced in his incredible life so far he has never lost sight of the brass ring. right now's his chance and he's grabbing onto the fucker with both hands. i couldn't be prouder of him.

hold tight, man... i think shit's about to get really interesting.

Damn good bottle of wine!

2006-08-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

'01 ridge late picked york creek zinfandel

mi corazón estalla

2006-08-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

a few years ago my good friend ed did what i've dreamed of doing and left sunny l.a. for a new life in sunnier mexico. along the way he met a beautiful mexicana named marcia. fast forward 1 year and 8 months and now they're getting married... you can pretty much follow the arc of their relationship on ed's flickr photostream... even for this hardened love cynic their story is truly inspiring.

into the double digits...

2006-07-29T13:11:00.007-07:00

man it was humid this morning... oppressively. you could seriously chew on the air. and it was cooler this morning that it has been recently... though i suppose anything is cooler than the record woodland hills (where i live) hit last week - 119 degrees... can you fucking believe that? my dubious plan to single handedly rape the earth with my suv is finally coming to fruition! (insert dramatic horror movie pipe organ music and mad scientist laughter)

even so, we ran 10 frikkin miles today! there were points where i thought my legs were going to explode but all i had to do was concentrate on the music in my ears and it would go away. i was only able to get 1 maintenance run in between last week's 9 miler and today's run plus i've been really bad about stretching lately - all of which is not very smart if i'm hoping to finish the race without resorting to crawling over the finish line. gotta stay focused...

another really interesting/gross/painful development has popped up now that i'm running these longer distances at a stretch - nipple chafing. i guess it happens to everyone eventually.. it actually happened to me last week for the first time. no actual bleeding and so far it's happening only to my left one (since that one has a huge hunk of metal through it) but i can tell this is going to be an ongoing problem that i'll have to deal with... time to break out the bandaids!

next week we get a bit of a rest... only 5 miles. and then the week after that it's 12. good christ.

lose yourself

2006-07-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

las vegas marathon training: week 6

max, jim and i ran 8 miles today! unreal. almost a third of the way to marathon distance - i really think i can do this!

lots of weird pains on this run. my left foot & right knee/i.t. band started aching around mile 4, hips were tight... either i didn't stretch enough beforehand or i stretched too much at a stoplight break... dunno. jim's calf cramped up at around mile 2 though he seemed really strong to me today - didn't seem to affect him much. max, of course, made it look effortless. what you would expect from someone who's run 7 marathons. i was still amazed at how strong i felt - pains notwithstanding. we only stopped twice at stoplights for 20 seconds tops each time. i made it to 8 miles without a terrible amount of effort and my lungs took no time to recover.

a funny pacing pattern seems to be emerging in our runs. around mile 5 or 6 i seem to be hitting a stride that pulls me away and out in front of jim and max. need to pay attention to that to make sure i'm not setting myself up for exhaustion later on.

booked my room today at the hotel. the race starts and ends at the mandalay so it was the most logical place to book. looks like a really nice place too. i'll definitely be hitting the spa after the race!

next week... 9 miles and it's just me and jim - max is off to comicon. should be interesting!

marathon training: mileage run #5

2006-07-08T11:39:00.000-07:00

today marked the 5th week of my training for the las vegas marathon. we ran 7 miles today and i felt great! the arch problem i was beginning to feel in my left foot wasn't there, no pain in my knees, cardiovascularly i felt like i could have kept going... it was awesome. this after last week struggling to make it to 6 miles. amazing how different you can be from week to week. all i have to say is thank god for gu!

next week we run 8 miles. bring it on!

the world is my oyster

2006-04-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

today was lazy. sat around, got caught up on my blog, sat out by the pool... no pressure.

i heard the water today was fairly choppy so i'm glad i sat the day out. decided to get a massage at 10am over at the southern cross resort down the road (the house masseuse was out) which really set the tone for the day. kayaked out to owen island - a small island right across from southern cross - with brian, scott and ken. hard work but so worth it.

it was about rum:30 when i got back so the drinking had to commence. this is our last night on the island so everyone is in an extra festive mood. it's even one of the divemaster's birthday today - adding to the festivities.

there's talk of a liveaboard trip this time next year to palau - hope that happens. i was thinking that my big dive excursions next year would be to palau. all the better if it can be with this group.

time for dinner and drinkies!

last day of diving

2006-04-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

the waters were choppier today making for "ideal" conditions to take care of the rest of my rescue diver training. man it's difficult work. the first exercise we did was an simulation of an unconscious breathing diver. lots to keep track of - making sure he was positively buoyant, making sure his regulator stayed in his mouth, making sure we didn't ascend too fast, signalling the boat once we did surface and towing him back to the boat which monitoring his breathing and consciousness - all in choppy water conditions. the second and third simulation we did was were unconscious not breathing diver situations one where he remains unconscious at the surface (so you have to breathe for them once you ascend) and the other where he suddenly gains consciousness and starts to violently panic... not fun - all of it hard work and extremely humbling. i feel like i could practice doing these simulations on every dive and still not cover all contingencies completely.

i finished off 2 dives today and just collapsed from all the actvityfrom the past couple of days... manifesting in a 4-hour midday nap - so worth it.

i think i'm done. the last dive of the day was great... saw a huge green moray eel stuffed into a cave, hung around a coral block that seemed like a nursery of some sort for all of the tiny baby fish that were swimming around it, finished off my stress & rescue diver simulations. i's call that a full day and a full trip. end it on a high note.

time for rum!

dive dive dive!

2006-04-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

man what an exhausting day. 4 dives - 2 of them wrecks... awesome.

the first dive of the day was a wreck - an old russian frigate over in cayman brac that was sold to the caymans by the cuban government. so surreal descending down into the water to be greated by this huge boat just sitting there at the bottom. the gun turretts on the bow and stern and the radio tower were the most impressive things for me - just seemed so completely out of place there. there's something bittersweet about wrecks to me. these huge man made objects - thousands of hours of blood sweat and tears that go into making them, manning them, sailing them - that for one reason or another meet their demise (violent or not) at the bottom of the ocean and then become the tombs for what they used to be and the seeding grounds for new marine life. i looked for evidence of what this ship used to be - something/anything written in russian. couldn't find it. the ocean - at least to my eyes - had made the ship completely her own.

the other 2 day dives were more of the same - deep blue, lots of marine life... got to spend time with benji and mini-me again, the 2 nassau groupers that let you help them hunt squirrelfish. this time they followed me and brian all the way back to the boat like lost puppies - so funny. we'd be swimming along and then stop and one of them would invariably rush up to us thinking that we'd spotted a squirrelfish.

4th dive of the day was another wreck dive this time closer to the resort and at night. never had the opportunity to dive a wreck at night before. the dive was fun (no pictures - my camera is piss-poor at taking decent underwater night shots) but there were too many people down there - 20 of us in all. the wreck itself was lit up like a disco with everyone's flashlights moving all over the place. that aside i was treated to the HUGEST parrotfish i've ever seen. 2 or 3 feet long and enormous - like some of the groupers or seabass i've seen. lots of little cleaner shrimp... a small octopus that darted away as soon as my light shined on it. really frikkin cool.

now after a couple of drinks it's time to turn in... been a long day.

welcome to the caribbean

2006-04-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

man, that bike ride and all of the diving yesterday wiped me out. i was asleep by 9 and didn't wake up til the alarm went off at 7. gym, brekky, tank analysis, and then back on the boat by 8:15. just like clockwork.

the dives tdoday were typically placid. there was a storm coming in so the water was a little more choppy ad the viz got compromized as a result (only 100+ as opposed to 200+ - boo hoo).

big sighting for me today was a big baby nurse shark resting in the hollow of a coral block. it just stayed there not moving an inch while we all took pictures of it. i wen around to the back of the block to get a look at it's size and got a chance to touch its skin - real rough... like sandpaper. i was expecting smooth and slimy. trippy.

brian and i decided to take the afternoon off and kayak around the protected lagoon just off shore. take a couple of beers with us... enjoy the afternoon without having to rush anywhere. around 2:30 it started to rain. and i mean rain. thunder. lightning. biblical rainstorm that didn't seem like it would ever stop. so we took cover at the bar with the rest of us that decided to sit the afternoon out and drank. there'll be plenty of time for bike rides and kayaking on thursday when we can't dive (no diving 24 hrs before the flight home - dive shop rules).

there was a house videographer that came along with us on the boat today taking footage of us jumping in, diving, bumping into each other, being buffoons. show time starts in about 20 minutes. should be funny.

i can see for miles and miles...

2006-04-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

same thing today. got up for a 20 minute run on the treadmill (which was pretty difficult after drinking rum all night) got some breakfast, over to the nitrox station to analyze the air mixture in my tanks and then out to the boat by 8:15 for roll call.

the first dive was ridiculous... like swimming in a fishtank with a fake blue background. the visibility must have been 200+ feet. never been in viz that clear. and warm too - probably 79° water. not as warm as indo pacific waters but better by far than the 65° water we get off the california coast.

highlights for today were a couple of stingrays, a hawksbill turtle, a couple of really fun narrow swimthroughs, some cowfish... the best thing though was these 2 nassau groupers - benji and mini-me. they love divers. as soon as they see a group of divers they swim right up to you and hang out with you as long as you're there with them. you can pet them, scratch them under the chin, our divemaster even took off her mask and took benji by the snout and planted a husge kiss on his lips. hysterical. but what was coolest about these two is that they wanted you to help them hunt squirrelfish. if you spotted one out in the open and either benji or mini-me was swimming with you all you had to do was point at the squirrelfish and one of them would rush at it trying to eat it. invarible the quirrel fish would wedge itself up in a small coral block and then benji and mini-me would sit vigil at the openings trying to flush it out. truly amazing. never experienced interacting with a fish like that. i mean they could have been dogs - so frikkin cool.

took care of abot half of the open water portion of my rescue diver training today. it's really frikkin difficult. assessing the consciosuness of a victim and dragging them back to the boat while administering rescue breaths to them. hard work. now i have to do the underwater portion of the training - assessing consciousness, bring them back up to the surface, towing them to the boat, rescue breathing... it's a real challenge. and i love it.

after we returned from the afternoon dive scott - another really cool guy from the shop who's been diving for 30+ years - and i decided to rent a couple of bikes and check out the island. little cayman is small - maybe 10 miles by 1 mile. it has a bird sanctuary in the middle of it where red footed boobies nest - i know, i know... a tropical island full of boobies - couldn't be a more perfect place for me, right? anyhow, we were out for about 1:45 and almost made it around the whole island until we got to this place with a handmade sign by the sanctuary that warned of the mosquitos. since it was almost dusk and we were right by the sanctuary we decided to turn back so as not to get eaten alive. i'll try to bike around the island some other time.

first day of diving

2006-04-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

got up kinda early for a quick run on the treadmill, ate some brekky and then it was out to the boat by 8:15 to gear up for the morning dives.

the water here is a color blue that i've never seen before. where the maldives is more of a deep turquoise color the water here is a rich sapphire blue - just surreal. and the visibility is unbelievable - 100+ feet. and it's warm - 77-79°F. one of the most impressive (and humbling) thing about the reefs here is that they generally start at around 40 or 50 feet and then just drop down to about 5 or 6 THOUSAND feet. you crest over a reef edge 50 feet down and suddenly you're looking at what's over a mile of beautiful blue abyss. then, before you know it, your gauges are reading 120, 130, 140 feet... you just get hypnotised by it. astounding. and frightening. i wonder what's down there...

today we saw a few barracuda... one of which must have been 4.5 feet long. there are tons of squirrelfish everywhere. which probably explains the large numbers of groupers in the area - squirrelfish yum yummy! there was also this cool chimney that my roomie/dive buddy, brian, found. the entrance started at around 85 feet down. we swam in for about 15 feet and then popped up out of it at around 40 feet. real fun. the vertical part of it you just needed to take in a deep breath and gently float up through it. no kicking involved.

it's been cool being here with everyone from the dive shop. everyone's real cool. brian certified me on my advance open water trining and he's the one helping me out with finishing my rescue diver training. excellent diver, really excited about life in general... great guy.

we ended up closing the bar out with some of the other guests. not too late. maybe 11pm. things close down early here. the bartenders already know my name and what i'm drinking - cuba libre baby!

little cayman here i come!

2006-04-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

after working so hard for the past few months it feels so good to be on the way to another dive adventure. a little reward to myself. dunno what's going to happen when i return - don't have any specific work lined up - but everything always seems to works out. work, taxes, commuting, the grind... for the next week i don't have to think about any of it. epic.

the flight out here to miami was typical - crammed like sardines into the plane. no meal, no snacks, no movie... totally bare bones (and still the airlines are going broke - go figure). good thing i was so exhausted from all the work i've been doing. i slept like the dead the whole way. as soon as we got to the cayman airways ticket counter in miami we immediately hit island time. took over an hour just to check in. and there were 4 people checking people in maybe 50 passengers. unreal.

anyhow, fly and hour into grand cayman... wait a few hours then another 30 minute flight into little cayman's dirt landing strip "airport"... 10 minute drive past the downtown area that contains 5 businesses - one of which is a bank that's open on only on monday and thursday - and here i am. middle of deserted carib paradise. the rooms are basic but comfortable, the foo is great and the bar has rum. just give me some memorable diving and we have us a good vacation.

apparently everyfriday night here is the weekly karaoke/pub crawl night... they start at one place then come here til 11pm then head up the beach to the next place until it closes at 1. me? after all that travelling and rum... its 10pm... gotta save my energy for diving tomorrow.

home at last...

2006-02-06T16:03:00.000-08:00

it's been fairly mellow since i got back. just acclimating back to life in l.a. playing with my dogs, reconnecting with friends, getting used to actually wearing clothes instead of swimwear. everyone has been commenting on how dark i got while i was away. couple more weeks and maybe i coulda passed for one of the maldivian guys!

anyhow, i thought it would be a good idea to throw myself back into work as soon as i got back to help with the jetlag - which it did. downside, of course, is that it's... well... work.

next dive trip is in april to little cayman with a group from my local dive shop. hopefully i'll be able to complete my rescue diver training while i'm there.

counting down the seconds...

22 hrs and 13000 miles to go....

2006-01-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

i got up and went to the dive center this morning to gather up all my things and say goodbye to everyone. they must've thought me a little weird just hanging out and watching everything but i really love seeing the place come to life - everyone scurrying about gearing up for one boat trip or another. i'm gonna miss it.

the massage this morning was fantastic. it was a signature massage for the spa here where you get 2 therapists working on you in sync at the same time. even dozed off for a bit (no drool thankfully).

at lunch i said goodbye to a few more people and as soon as i sat down to eat the sky just opened up and poured rain for about 15 minutes or so. again, the maldives way to mark my last meal here. then about an hour before i left fili the sky opened up again. this time more ferociously than before and it didn't let up. in the air taxi we even had to stop at a small resort's "airport" to wait for a bit because the airport at malé had closed itself to all flights because it was raining so hard. really strange weather. parts of the airport were flooded, the wind was whipping the palm trees so hard i thought they'd break, even the airport staff seemed to be in chaos. and it was cold enough than i had to put on pants and a long sleeve shirt. omens i tell you... it's time to go home.

last day of diving

2006-01-28T18:55:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a great dive day. dove a site in the morning called ibura thila - really calm relaxing dive. no current to speak of so my dive buddy, michel (i've nicknamed him monsieur zero bar for his habit of stretching out a dive until there's no pressure left in his tank), and i could really take our time and check things out. the visibility was great and since it was in the morning the sunlight was really bright, illuminating everything. tons of overhangs with countless squirrelfish, a couple of baby whit tip sharks, and 2 sea turtles. a couple i met on the boat, gef and fiona from the uk, had this massive digital slr with these big strobes and they got the most amazing pictures fromt he dive. a little bit of gear envy, i must say. like i need something else to spend my money on.

afterwards at the dive center i was joking around with barbara (the dive center manager), niko and marco (2 senior instructors) about them coming to los angeles for their holiday. they could come out, give private dive lessons in rich people's homes... sounds like a good premise for a comedy script actually. if they actually come out i'll have to rent a bigger place to accommodate them. we'll see i guess.

the second dive was another adrenaline pumper at a place called baracuda kandu. current again about 4 - 5 knots. saw a huge stingray that was sitting on the sand about 40m down and a couple of white tip sharks but i couldn't notice much else the current was so strong - your brain firing on all cylinders. you could only concentrate on where your next hand hold was without damaging the reef and watching your depth/pressure guage. exhilarating.

this morning i found myself in last day of vacation mode - really quiet and pensive. listening to everything around me, taking in as much of the smells i could. seems to always happen this way. like i'm cataloging all of the sensations that i've grown so accustomed to in order to never forget them. pictures and video only capture so much but you can really relive a place through its sounds and smells.

the dive this morning was a really easy one at a place called wall street. basically a huge wall with tons of overhangs wher all sorts of stuff was hiding. really small stuff too. like the tiniest clown fish i've seen here hiding among soft coral... amazing. on the boat ride back i got to talking with niko about where he grew up in italy - a little village right by guarda lake in the north. which is about an hour away from my favorite wine producing region in the world - veneto. he invited me to come and stay at his aunt's bed and breakfast overlooking the lake and if i was there when he was there he'd show me around. definitely gonna take him up on that!

no sooner had we arrived back at fili from the dive did it start to rain. nothing torrential but strong enough to make people take cover. almost as if the maldives knew it was my last dive here and decided to send me off with something special. the omens are everywhere if you pay attention, i guess.

i've made some great friends here... more than i thought i would - diving helped a great deal with that. i'll do my best to keep in touch with them but even if we're unable to maintain contact it's nice to know that one can travel alone and always find that connection that binds us all together.

got a massage booked for tomorrow morning and then it's back to malé to wait for my grueling 22 hr flight back to reality.

the routine

2006-01-26T20:54:00.000-08:00

so here's my daily routine... get up around 6 and watch the world wake up, make my way down to breakfast at 7:30, then to the dive shop at 8:30 to prepare my gear for the first boat that leaves at 9. i'm usually back by 11:30/noon at which point i put away my gear, go back to my room to nap a bit, maybe lay out, then it's back to the main restaurant at around 1 for lunch and then back to the dive shop by 2 for the 2nd boat that leaves at 2:30. back by around 4:30, disassemble my gear and then it's to the sunset bar for drinks with some of the people i've met (or alone) then around 7 i go to my room, nap a little more, shower and arrive for dinner around 9. maybe drinks afterwards depending on how tired i am but by 11 i'm in bed.

repeat ad infinitum. not too bad, huh?

i woke up on the 22nd with terribly itchy fingers and hands. i'm talking painfully so - but it comes and goes and is usually worse in the morning. i thought it was an alergic reaction to something here but after a quick check of my dive injury symptom chart i learned that the symptoms are consistent with mild decompression sickness. weird since it's only my hands that this is happening to. the only thing i can think of that would have caused it was my early morning dive on the 20th followed by the short flight (unpressurized cabin, only 450 ft. up) to filitheyo. it's gotten much better over the past few days of diving - maybe having to do with the nitrox mixture i'm breathing during my dives here. dunno. still... it's a little strange.

i went on a full-day exploratory 2-tank dive on the 23rd to a site in the north part of the atoll that had never been checked out before. the first dive, right after i descended i was surrounded by an enormous school of fish - hundreds. so many that i couldn't see anything around me - i even had a mild panic attack i was so disoriented. then i remembered... do you have air? yes. then everything is fine. and i calmed down just like that. easy peasy.

in between dives we stopped at this tiny little island that had it's own protected lagoon with baby whit tip sharks swimming around. just sand, trees, and lagoon. beautiful. the trip leaders that accompanied us were ibi - a maldivian guy that seems to be able to tell the direction and speed of the current just by looking at the surface... amazing guy - and niko - a young bronze adonis of an italian guy that's been all over the world teaching diving for 7 years and who speaks 5 languages fluently. it was amazing to hear him switch gears when talking to the myriad of people at the dive shop. from german to french to italian to english then back to german - effortlessly. wish i could do that.

the 24th i dove at a site that had the strongest current i've ever experienced. ibi said it was a 5 knot current - whatever. may as well have been a hurricane. you know that old video footage of the guy strapped to a chair facing a wind generator with his lips and mouth flapping around? that was me. hanging on to some hard coral for dear life while even the fish got swept by us. amazing.

then yesterday i took another full-day trip to the local manta point. we saw a group of about 7 or 8 medium sized mantas from the boat feeding at a low lying sand bank and were able see another one during the first dive - absolutely huge. it just flew in from out of nowhere hovered directly (~1m) above one of the divers in our group for about 15 seconds like some strange alien spacecraft and then took off - probably none too pleased with our presence there.

tonight was my first night dive here. really frikkin cool. some lobsters, 2 huge red snappers maybe a meter each and a buch of free swimming morays hunting for food. but the coolest part was at the end of the dive, right before we were to ascend. our guide marco had the 3 of us turn off our torches and suddenly the water was lit up with thousands of these bioluminescent plankton - like the ones i saw washing up on the beach a week ago. every movement you made was lit up with little trails of these tiny neon blue creatures. i could have stayed down there for hours just playing with them. seriously one of the coolest things i've ever experienced.

got 2 dives scheduled for tomorrow. then one more on thursday. then... it's time to rest and relax and prepare for the flight home. christ have i been gone for 3 weeks already?

how dry i am...

2006-01-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

woke up early and walked along the west part of the island (my room is in the north) - there are hermit crabs everywhere - back down to reception in the south and had breakfast in the main restaurant. man the coffee here is strong. 2 cups and i was absolutely flying. i'm on an all inclusive stay here so all my meals and booze is taken care of. thank god for the diving 'cause if it wasn't for that i'd be hammered all day everyday.

the check dive in the morning was nothing special. nice calm drift dive along the resort's very beautiful house reef. just something to prove i can dive as well as i say i can. luckily i can dive using nitrox (an oxygen enriched air mixture) for free. liking this place more and more. the dives themselves are a little on the spendy side. US$45/dive or US$390 for 10. plus extra for 2-tank day trips. whatever. i came here to dive so i'm not going to let that stop me.

my massage was exactly what i needed. 50 minutes of pure drooling bliss. i booked another one for myself the day i leave. gotta prepare the body for the flight back.

afterwards, i went back to my room. read the only book i brought with me - the alchemist (very inspiring and quick read) and waited for my laundry to appear. clean clothes! and just in time. otherwise the other guests might've thought i was some washed up castaway. all i need is a ball named wilson.

last day on the boat

2006-01-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

well, our dhoni was recovered but the engine got fried from trying to dislodge it from the reef last night. for the dive today we used the dhoni from the blue shark 2 - the boat carrying the group of japanese tourists. figure they've rescued us so many times that we're essentially guests on the boat anyhow.

we dove kandooma thila closeby. a deep drift dive with a fairly strong current and really cold water - at times down to 27 C which was a good 3 degrees colder than the air temperature. brrrrrrr! caught sight of an eagle ray and a white tip reef shark at one point but after that i was to aware of how cold the water was to notice much else. met a really nice lady - the only western guest aboard the blue shark. sarah from israel who works for el al. she gave us a great recommendation for a dive shop in palau to look up in case we ever find ourselves there. she couldn't say enough amazing things about the diving in palau. maybe that'll be my dive trip for next year.

we hit malé around noon after 2 hours and i quickly packed up my things and said goodbye to everyone. shame to be so rushed in my goodbyes. we seemed to be really well matched - both in personality and diving ability. plus, the fact that there were only 8 of us on board made it so we really were able to get to know one another and become friends. looks like i now have people to visit in singapore and wherever bruce and nicole end up after bruce's u.n. term expires at the end of the month. i'm going to miss them all.

the flight to filitheyo took about 30 minutes on one of those twin engine sea otters. filitheyo is amazingly beautiful. my room is amazing - king size bed with mosquito netting, and outdoor shower (hello!) and a 15 meter walk to the water's edge. they have a very impressively organized dive center (run by germans of course), the food is excellent and the grounds are as pristine as you would expect of a resort in the maldives.

i definitely started to feel very alone here. the majority of the visitors are german and french with a few italians, japanese and brits thrown in for good measure. i, of course, am the only american - for some, the first one they've ever met.

the one thing here that i don't remember kuramathi having is mosquitos. not a ton of them but all you need is one and my life is miserable - the mossies seem to love me. their bites suck for the first 30 minutes or so but then the itch goes away. with any luck i'm developing a tolerance given the amount i get bitten.

the day was spent idling... had a drink (o.k. i had 3 - c'mon, they were my first in a week), booked a balinese massage for myself tomorrow at 3, had dinner and met my waiter - sabreen. an affable young maldivian guy who always has the biggest smile and is willing to crack jokes at the drop of a hat. one of the dive staff is this guy named babu from nepal (?!). long way from home that guy is. very quiet and friendly.

jo ella the manager told me later on that i was the cause of some laughs when i arrived - of course. apparently the manifest said that i was arriving from "handhu" since they couldn't fit "handhufalhi" in the space provided. in divehi, "handhu" means "moon" so apparently i had just arrived from the moon and the porters were asking jo ella if i was neil armstrong. i must say, i feel like i just arrived from the moon. my land legs still haven't found me and everything is in a constant state of gentle swaying motion.

nothing that more booze can't take care of (or enhance, as the case may be).

onwards

2006-01-19T20:50:00.000-08:00

we woke up early to get to a nearby dive site called kudarah thila before the rest of the liveaboards that were docked at dhangethi could. not a bad site... there were tons of tiny fish that i couldn't even begin to name. lots of small stuff. a couple of morays, 2 juvenile napoleon wrasses, a big porcupine fish. business as usual for the maldives.

we picked up anchor and headed east for about 3 or 4 hours toward the south malé atoll to a place called medhu faru - near a local island called guraidhoo that was apparently devastated by last year's tsunami. all the usual suspects on this dive - wow that sounded so completely blasé. like anything about where i am is usual.

anyhow... i'm slowly picking up on the names of the the other crew members.. there's keku who like to surf... falaa dragged him around in our speedboat so he could do some wake surfing... looks fun. i have to learn to do that someday. then there's hossein who is a general help around the boat - tanks, cleaning up, fishing...

that afternoon we were taken around guraidhoo by a local guide - a friend of ayaa's - to see the reconstruction efforts on the island. everything happens slowly here and rebuilding is no exception. apparently there were 2 waves that hit guraidhoo. from what i remember him telling me, the first was about a meter and a half high which after it receded took with it 4 children. the second wave was what levelled all the buildings on about half the island because of all the debris from the first wave that got carried along with it. the rebuilding efforts are amazing though. the houses they're building are really nice reinforced concrete 2br/2ba houses that, once they're finished, will be completely furnished - keys handed to the families that lost everything in the tsunami. the saudi government donated tents - temporary housing for the families while they wait for their houses to be built. proof that your red cross donations actually do help.

later than night we did a night dive at a nearby site called vilivaru giri. tons of lion fish, cleaner shrimp... even saw a turtle sleeping in a cave. for about 10 minutes of the dive i was alone diving around this site. couldn't have been happier or felt more natural. totally zen. i feel like i'm beginning to come into my own as a diver - lie a rhythm that i was struggling to achieve has finally been found. what a confidence booster.

on the way back, our dhoni ran up on a hidden low-lying reef. just cruising along on our way back to the handhufalhi like after every other dive and then BLAM!... our dhoni marooned on this reef. we all got out and spent about 30 minutes trying to push it free - i can't imagine the damage to the reef - but it was no use. it was stuck there for the night until high tide occurred in the morning. luckily for us there were other groups diving at vilivaru. the one that came to our rescue to take us back to the boat was - again - the japanese group. they must think we're a bunch of idiots at this point.

i got news tonight that my flight to filitheyo will be departing malé tomorrow at 1:30 and that i have to be at the airport by 12:30... bummer. i would have liked to have done 3 dives tomorrow. looks like it'll only be 1. i suppose there are worse problems to have.

mercury retrograde

2006-01-18T22:49:00.000-08:00

started having electronic gear problems today... my dive computer started flashing a low battery signal and this computer's been acting up a bit - think it might be overheating. gotta back these entries up onto the ipod or something that is relatively easy to retrieve data from. as long as everything can hold out until i hit land i'll be happy but "que será, será", i suppose. (* note: my computer totally crashed on this day and would not startup at all until the 26th)

the first dive today at panetone was pretty much more of the same as yesterday. vis not too great - at least by maldivian standards - not a whole lot to see other than a big grey reef shark that was circling the reef below us (~7m) looking for breakfast.

we headed further south into the ari atoll to rangali madivaru (the manta point of the ari atoll) no mantas but what an epic drift dive. current must've been going at about 4-5 knots that just swept us along this deep coral wall - effortless unless you made a pitiful atempt to swim against it. it literally felt like you were flying.

we then headed for the southern tip of the ari atoll to a place called maamigili beyru - a place that ayaa said was know for it's whale shark sightings. we got to the site jumped in and about 15 minutes into the dive ayaa started shaking his underwater shaker to get our attention and took off into the slowish current pointing ahead of him... his excitement was tangible and when we saw what the cause was we understood... swimming at about 7m down was a juvenile whale shark. maybe 5 or 6 m long. it took all of our effort just to catch up with the thing that was just gliding along effortlessly. i swear i've never swum that hard in all my life and i was pretty winded once i caught up to it but what a spectacular sight. we seriously broke every rule in the book just trying to catch up with this thing - ascending too fast, breathing too hard, etc. but it was worth it. for a little while i got to swim alongside it's massive tail fin. and i admit, i had to touch it... just briefly with one finger - it was smooth and rubbery. man, what an experience.

we all were so tired from trying to keep up that we had to let it swim on. we followed the current out into the blue and a little bit deeper and who should be there but a second whale shark! this one was massive, no idea really but my guess was somewhere around 10 meters. must've been the littler one's mother or something. anyhow this one kept it's distance. preferring to open it's enormous mouth and feed far away from us. at one point it turned and started heading toward us but then banked and swam away. un-fucking-real. as you can guess, many high fives were exchanged and the feeling among us was electric.

we then headed north about 2 hours and did a sunset dive at a place called dhiguraa near a local island called dhangethi - which we were to visit later that night. nice dive site... 2 huge overhangs, a big puffed out lion fish, a huge napoleon wrasse (~2m) and a giant grouper. bruce joked that we could stop diving now since we'd seen the "big 5" of diving - hammerheads, mantas, whale sharks, giant grouper, and napoleon wrasse. cha... as if.

dhangethi was a nice little village island... did a little shopping... all of the shop keepers asking me to come into their store "hello, good evening mister. please come into my store. just for a look." - priceless. the evening call to prayer was the capper on a pretty great day. allah u akbar. indeed.

bright blue, cloudless, sunny skies...

2006-01-17T22:18:00.000-08:00

we headed west this morning over to a thila (a big submerged block of coral) called fish head - otherwise known as shark thila. apparently it's called fish head because all of the fishermen would only come up with a fish's head attached to their line after the rest of it had been eaten by this site's large population of grey reef sharks. hysterical.

the current was particularly strong - or maybe stronger than i would have liked it to be - causing me to tire earlier than usual. when we weren't swimmming against it it was actually a very nice dive. you just let the current take you on a tour of this amazing place. another huge napoleon wrasse, a school of batfish, little forests of sea fans were everywhere, huge schools of moorish idols and needle fish, massive swirling groups of slivery fish that i have no idea what they are. i had to surface earlier than the others which was too bad because apparently after i went up a big sea turtle came over to join the party. again, no biggie. there seems to be no shortage of big sea life here. and i still have... christ, 12 days left! i love my life.

we then continued southwest to an island called maayafushi. nearby, there's another thila called - what else - maaya thila that was made famous when the bbc shot a documentary recording a 24hr period in the lif eof this thila. i can see why they chose this one to film as it was absolutely bursting with life. batfish, morays, lionfish, squirrelfish, grey and white-tipped reef sharks. it seems like everytime i jump in the water i'm amazed at the amount of life there is here.

after surfacing, our boat captain, bhari sped up to us in a little speed boat screaming about a huge manta that had been spotted feeding near the surface. we all scrambled to put our gear back on and dove in once we reached the spot... it was INCREDIBLE! this huge manta just gliding back and forth, mouth gaping wide open, scooping up all the little animals it could on each pass, seemingly unaware or indifferent to the fact that we were there following it. i mean this thing's mouth was enormous. in the scramble to get my gear on i forgot my camera so you'll have to take my word. seriously folks... it was ridiculous.

we then headed south for about 3 hours - allowing us to catch up on sleep, reading, log books, sunbathing etc - to thudufushi and a local dive site called panetone. not really anything out of the ordinary to see there. big forests of alien looking sea fans, schools of butterfly fish... "ordinary" like anything about this trip has been or could ever be ordinary. amazing how jaded you can become when all you're surrounded with is beauty.

we anchored just off a small deserted island wher the crew was to prepare a beach barbecue dinner for us. when we arrived to dinner they had the whole beach lit with these little improvised torches and for our dining table they had created a sand sculpture of a whale shark - hopefully a harbinger of things to come. the night couldn'[t have been more perfect. we were treated to a spectacular sunset - probably one of the most dramatic i've ever seen. the moon didn't rise until about 8 or so which made the sky so dark that all you could see were stars until it rose. on the other side of the island hundreds of those tiny blue bioluminescent jelly/coral polyp thingys were washing up making the shoreline look as starry as the night sky. everywhere you stepped along the water's edge the sand would light up with these little creatures. i did my best billy jean rendition in tribute. hope noone saw me - pretty lame.

tomorrow morning we dive panetone again and then head south... bring it on!

lords of the deep

2006-01-16T20:41:00.000-08:00

to day we got up at the crack of dawn to a pouring rain that apparently started around 2am. it's funny how different this visit to the maldives is in comparison to last year - unpredictible weatther, more difficult diving conditions. certainly a contrast from last year's placid and easy experience.

the rain cleared up around 6 and we left the boat at around 6:30 for madhivaru kandu or "hammerhead point". viewing hammerheads is apparently best just after dawn when they are at shallower depths (~30 m) in order to feed. and we were not disappointed at all. in total i think we saw 7 or 8 of them somewhere between 25 - 30 m down. conditions were dark and murky - not at all ideal conditions for pictures so you'll just have to trust me. one huge one came within 10 meters of us... massive. i missed out on seeing the signature shape of the head but they were still unmistakable by the position of the eyes right at the tip of the head. the water was filled with these tiny bioluminescent thingys that glowed a bright neon blue. i had no idea what they were at first but they were floating everywhere. reach out your hand to try to touch one and it would flicker off and dart away. remarkable.

i'm slowly learning everyone's names... eis is ken's wife, mavis is vincent's wife, and our captain's name is baari. i'm determined to learn everyone's name before i leave this boat.

at about 10am we left for our 2nd dive in rasdhoo at a place called north channel which is also called "manta point" for reasons we were soon to discover. we saw a couple of beautiful moray eels, a huge marble ray, and then at the end of the dive, this amazing medium-sized manta just flew in from out of nowhere and glided slowly past us as if inviting us to take it's picture. which of course we all did.

after a quick lunch we headed over to kuramathi to visit the dive shop there and check things out. the weather had completely cleared up and we were now in the maldives that i remembered, sweet-smelling, hot, a touch of humidity.... bliss. i, of course, was completely excited at the prospect of visiting there than anyone else for obvious reasons. not much has changed there in 9 months. a couple new fences, some new dive boats but overall the place was exactly as i remembered it to be. getting around was easy, i recognized some of the staff, and most important to me was that my diving instructors all remembered who i was - always nice to know that you left a positive impression on people - especially those that were so instrumental in your rebirth.

upon return to the boat we immediately set out for madhivaru again to see what there was to see. as soon as we descended, we were greeted by this enormous, clumsy looking napoleon wrasse. i think wee were more astonished by it that it was of us as it just swam straight up to us to check us out. another noatable sighting was this baby white-tip reef shark resting in a small cave and after i had already ascended a huge manta ray was spotted that i was told was probably twice the size of the one we saw earlier. too bad i missed it but i'm sure there will be more.

we moved south for about 2 hrs into the main part of the ari atoll to a resort called eliadhoo where 4 of us set up for a night dive at the house reef there. huge red snappers, schools of blue fin trevally, enormouse sea fans, little blue triggers that had stuffed themselved into all of the nooks and crannies of the reef in an attempt to sleep, tons of cleaner shrimp, some juvenile angelfish, a couple of scorpion fish and a few lion fish. spectacular. when we surfaced we were rewarded with the biggest, starry sky i've seen in a long time. cloudless and the full moon had yet to appear so the sky was black save for the countless stars.

what a great day of diving.

return to kuramathi

2006-01-15T21:45:00.000-08:00

looks like the storm has blown over. patches of blue sky. should burn off by midday and make for a beautiful day. our first dive today was a difficult one... a really strong current (left over from the storm) made for a bit of stress which cused be to tear through air at a pace almost twice what i normally do. not much fun. but still, a crap day diving is still better than a great day doing anything else.

the calm and sunny weather made for good sailing conditions so we set out west toward the north ari atoll - the part of the maldives where i stayed last year. during the 5 hr trip to ari we all managed to catch up on some sleep, get some sun (managed to get a bit of a burn on my back - shame on me), and watch a couple of dvds.

we arrived at rasdhoo atoll, the atoll where kuramathi (the resort that i stayed at last year) is located, around 2:30. it was so amazing to be revisiting this place so soon. last year's visit here was such a transformative event for me - part of reclaiming my life and setting the tone for the future. like revisiting the place of my rebirth... i had to laugh. so much has happened in the past year and it can all be traced back to this place. my personal and spiritual starting line.

our first dive here was at one of my favorite certification dives - rasdhoo channel. a drift dive where all you had to do was maintain your buoyancy and let the current take you - effortlessly. immense schools of little blue triggers, tuna, jacks. at one point we, along with 2 or 3 other groups, swam over a ridge and hung on (since the current was so strong) and just watched the sealife around us which included an amazing amount of white tipped reef sharks - too many to count. soft corals everywhere, clown fish, box fish, spotted eagle rays... my god, it was overwhelming. toward the end of the dive, we saw what i thought were 2 mantas but which turned out to be mobula rays, something very rare and special. just gliding there above us as if the action below was literally beneath them. it's so nice to know that my diving experience here last year wasn't totally a fluke or just the impressions of a naive observer. this place is truly amazing.

toward sunset we were dropped of at a really easy reef... no current and not much to see but we were allowed to go out on our own with no dive master to explore the area. lots of bleached coral - remnants from when the ocean temperatures rose about a degree worldwide causiong a massive die-off of the corals around here. saw a big moray eel but that was about it. really relaxing. a great way to end the day.

the night was spent relaxing, enjoying each other's company, looking up at the stars - sattelites, shooting stars... the air is so clear and the sky is so big that you lose constellations. too many stars!

we'll be diving hammerhead point tomorrow morning! so excited. i signed up for this dive last year but it was cancelled since i was the only one to sign up for it. so tomorrow it's up at 5:30 for our dive briefing and then on to the hammies! this year they will not escape me. in'shallah.